Needing you
by Kithkin
Summary: Post series - Miwa Satoshi finds someone who needs him, and whom he needs, but...
1. Disclaimer

General Disclaimer:

Marmalade Boy is the intellectual property of Wataru Yoshizumi, copyrighted in the United States by TokyoPop, published in Japan by Shueisha Inc.

The following is a work of fiction, directly tied to the aforementioned copyrighted works. The author freely admits that and no revenue will be made from this fan-fiction. All characters not expressly copyrighted to Ms. Yoshizumi have been generated in part from the author's experience and do not fall under copyright laws; however any semblance to actual individuals is wholly contrived. 

Thank you, Ms. Yoshizumi, for the entertainment and joy you have provided, I only seek to prolong it.


	2. Meeting

I cannot speak for others, but mending a relationship that's gone wrong for all the wrong reasons is one of the best feelings I can think of. Certain people are simply meant to be together, and if there are obstacles it only makes the final joining sweeter, and more lasting. I had flown across the world, from Japan to New York City in order to bring together my best friend and his girlfriend. Their relationship had nearly been destroyed when Koishkawa Miki thought that Yuu had found someone here in New York, and had forsaken his affections for Miki.

            Now, a scant pair of hours after our taxi had delivered us to Chidester Hall at St. Andrew's High School and University, where Yuu is currently an exchange student, they had straightened everything out and I, along with Miki's best friend, Akizuki Meiko, was seated in the downstairs common room watching Miki sob uncontrollably into Yuu's shirt. Her small, slight body was wracked with spasms of relief, and I could make out the muffled words "Thank God" repeated over and over in Japanese. Watching them did, however bring back not too distant memories of my own attempts to win a woman's heart.

            Glancing over at Akizuki's clean profile, where she was seated next to me, I couldn't help but remember trying to woo her, with all of my roguish tricks and charm. I'd thought I had her for a brief while. This calm, unspeakably beautiful young woman, who'd been bereft at the rejection by the man she loved, had blossomed under my care, giving me hope that she'd come to love me. In the end, though, just like this time, I'd accompanied her and Miki on a trip, but that time I'd been forced to watch Akizuki beg and plead with the man she'd never really gotten over, until he broke down and admitted that he hadn't wanted the separation, but had thought she deserved better. Remembering their reconciliation, I sighed.

            The slight sound caught Akizuki's attention, and she looked over at me.

            "I'm glad it all worked out." She spoke softly. "Miki has been so lost lately."

            "I was a little frightened by how still she was on the flight over. It reminded me of," I stopped, not wanting to betray my thoughts' direction. Akizuki's warm hand on mine both reassured and puzzled me.

            "It reminded you of me at Hiroshima, didn't it? I certainly felt the same way Miki did. I know it wasn't fair to you, especially after everything you did to encourage me, but without Shin'ichi I felt like something was missing, and I'd simply perish if I couldn't get it back." She moved her hand away and turned forward to look again as the tall, fair-skinned Japanese man before us, cradling Miki's tiny body to himself before continuing. "One day it'll happen to you Miwa-san. You'll meet a woman and be drawn to her so strongly that a part of you changes forever."

            "Perhaps." I spoke in a low tone, more to myself than to her. The conversation was getting a bit uncomfortable. "Maybe I'll just have to settle for making sure that others remain happy." Nodding towards Yuu and Miki I fell silent. While Akizuki and I had been talking a few of Yuu's New York classmates had entered the room and unobtrusively spread around. One of them, whom I recognized as Yuu's roommate, made his way over to Akizuki's and my couch.

            "Good afternoon, Akizuki-san, Miwa-san." He addressed us both in the Japanese fashion, which sounded a bit odd in English.

            "Bill, please, call me Satoshi. The formality just does not suit your language." As I stood to greet him I was acutely aware of the contrast we made. We were both tall, with hair falling to our shoulders, but he was obviously Caucasian, with strikingly silver fair hair. I, on the other hand, have the glossy straight black hair that is common among people of Asian origin. The only oddity about my appearance comes from my Canadian mother, who's legacy remains in my height, and in a pair of deep blue eyes, incongruous with the rest of me.

            "Of course." Bill replied to my request with a smile. "Are you guys," he indicated Akizuki and me, then swept his arm back to include the still embracing couple, "still joining us for dinner?" 

            "I believe so, let me ask Yuu."

            I was moving forward to attract Yuu's attention, when movement in the room behind us caught my eye. It was a young, petite brunette, Doris I believe her name was, and she looked frantic. She waited for a lull, then hurried over to Yuu. I was close enough to catch her quiet, urgent message.

            "Yuu, we need to get into your dorm room," she rushed on without giving him a chance for reply, "You know the new student who moved into the room down the hall from you? She hasn't been seen for a few days, not since she moved in, and, and…"

            "What is it Doris, what does this have to do with my room?"

            "I just heard something large hit the ground in there, and now I can't hear anything. She's been ill all week, and normally I can hear her coughing, but now I can't. I can't hear anything!" Doris was worried, that wasn't hard to tell, I'd only just met her, but concern was evident in the lines of her face.

            "Have you knocked?" I interjected into the conversation, not wanting to be obvious, but merely to try to understand a situation that quite frankly baffled me. Things like this simply do not happen in Japan.

            "She's not answering the door, nor her phone, and the building manager, Mr. Raney, is gone. We need to get in to that room and make sure she's, she's," Doris's voice, which had been rising in pitch and volume throughout the interchange, broke on the last words and drew the attention of the remainder of the company. 

            "Doris, what's wrong?" Akizuki asked. Doris was in no position to answer, so Yuu began to explain what he'd just heard, still holding Miki close to his heart.

            "We had a new student move in last week, just down the hall, next to Doris and Jinny." At the mention of her name a slender blonde wearing a tight shirt stepped forward, looking worried.

            "That girl, who moved in down the hall from us. Well, Doris thinks there's something the matter with her and I think she wants to use Yuu's loft to get onto the roof and then get into her room. Am I right Doris?"

            She nodded, "Yes, she keeps her windows open. I see the curtains blowing in the breeze whenever I look over."

            "Have you asked Mr. Raney to check on her?" Yuu had apparently not heard that the manager was absent.

            "He's gone out for the day, and he locked his room this time." 

            "Has she been assigned a roommate?" I was beginning to think Yuu was stalling, or trying to avoid being separated from Miki for any reason.

            "No, I heard she's some kind of special case. She's living alone." Doris was quick to reply. She didn't strike me as the type to suggest this sort of maneuver unless it was absolutely necessary.

            Miki looked up at Yuu earnestly. "Yuu, you have to help her, what if it was me?"

            After his obvious reluctance, I didn't want Yuu to be troubled by this today, of all days. My mouth moved almost before I thought about it.

            "What needs to be done?"

            "I think it would be best if someone could use Yuu and Bill's loft to get onto the roof and then climb down into her room." Doris said.

            "I guess I'd be the best choice." Yuu remarked quietly.

            "No Yuu, I'll do it, so long as there's rope. It wouldn't hurt if she were cute too. Is she?" Akizuki looked at me oddly, probably questioning my motives.

            "Yes, we've got rope Miwa-san, I'll get it." The reply came from Doris's boyfriend, Brian, who suited actions to words immediately; leaving the room and returning in a few moments with several hundred meters of thick nylon rope.

            "We use it to practice." was all that the athletic red head offered by way of explanation. 

            Before I knew it I was in Yuu and Bill's room with Brian, Bill, Yuu, and Miki. Doris and Jinny were downstairs outside the girl's door, ready to help me once I got in there, if we needed it. Yuu climbed up to the loft, with Bill and me following. Carefully knotting one end of the rope around myself while Yuu secured the opposite end to a ceiling beam, I cocked half an ear to Brian's yelled instructions, rendered almost inaudible by his distance from the entrance to the loft. Both Yuu and Bill were going to provide me with the necessary tension, Yuu from the loft, and Bill from outside, on the roof above me, while I performed my short rappel. Taking a deep breath, I double-checked the rope knotted around my waist and walked out along the roof. Bill followed, and we stopped above the necessary window. Bill braced himself, grasped the rope firmly, leaving very little slack, and nodded. Her window really was open. I could see a spotless pair of white curtains fluttering gently. Without thinking I stepped off the roof onto the side of the building and began to walk slowly down the side of the wall. Before I knew it my feet were on her windowsill and I was forced to drop to a crouch to survey the room.

            At first glance it looked empty. The bed was neatly made with a forest green coverlet, the bookshelf full of complicated chemistry texts. I noticed the desk lamp was on, and as I swung myself into the room, I saw her.

            I got a nasty spurt of worry when I saw the body of a young woman lying on the floor next to the desk. She was lying on her side, with part of her face concealed by a heavy looking textbook, and the remainder covered by a thick waterfall of dark brown hair. I could tell that she had been the "loud thud" that Doris had heard hitting the floor. It looked as though she had been studying and had fainted or fallen asleep. I called out softly,

            "Excuse me, miss?" but she made no response. Swinging myself inside the window, I untied the rope from my waist and thrust the end back outside. 

When I walked over to the girl on the floor I was, well, I was worried, what could she have been doing that caused her to fall out of her chair, with the book on top of her? 

Trying not to disturb her, especially if she'd hurt anything when she fell, I cautiously picked up the heavy volume, not wanting to cause any damage, then almost dropped it in spite of my care when I saw the title. It was an advanced book on chemical analysis. Closing it and placing it on the desk I turned my attention to the damsel I had been sent to rescue. After the book was gone I gently pushed her hair back from her face. Drawing my face close to hers I was relieved to feel the gentle puff of her breath against my cheek. Satisfied that she was, in fact, still breathing, I drew back, noticing her face for the first time. She looked dainty, with high cheekbones and a small slim nose. Carefully drawing my fingers down her cheek, frowning a bit at its pallor, I wondered what color her eyes would be once they were open.

The impression I had received of delicate beauty was little changed by my perusal, for purposes of injury detection only of course, of her body. Her wrists, protruding from the cuffs of an Oxford cloth shirt, were tiny, even with my familiarity towards bird-like Japanese women. Her legs were lean, and seemed impossibly long. Rising to a crouch, I slowly straightened her body out and carefully rolled her so that she was lying flat on her back, and found myself hard-pressed to remember my mission and avoid taking unconscious liberties. Her waist was trim, neatly belted, and her breasts were just right for her frame, balancing her torso with the slender curves of her thighs, and sorely tempting my baser instincts. My attraction was undeniable, before I even heard her voice.

Inwardly chastising myself, I knelt beside her again and rolled her prone form towards me, intending to slip an arm under her knees and carry her to the bed. 

Halfway through my maneuvering, with her head resting against my chest and my arm around her shoulders I felt her move. I froze, unable to move as she burrowed closer into my arms.


	3. Finding

Warm. I was finally warm, after moving to New York in the middle of a scorching Texas fall. What was generating this delicious heat? Textbook probably, I'm sure my instrumental analysis book has absorbed enough of my body heat to finally give some of it back. Maybe this is just one of those daydreams I've been having. 

"Elizabeth, you should take yourself to a doctor. Dreaming about warm books is an obvious sign of delirium."

            Not wanting to lose an argument with myself I stopped there, and snuggled against my book, intending to rouse myself in a moment. 

It wasn't my book I snuggled against.

It felt like fabric, heavy fabric, like a suit jacket. In fact, I think I felt a lapel brush against my cheek. Waking farther I felt the heavy warmth of what must have been an arm across my back. Was I dreaming? Had the old students' joke come true? Had I died while studying? 

Not wanting to prolong the illusion, and wanting desperately for it to be true, I opened my eyes, prepared to find yet another horizontal view of my bedroom from atop a textbook.

I found myself gazing into a concerned pair of eyes the color of my own, set oddly in a very Asian face. The incongruity of it paralyzed me. How on earth could an Asian man have deep blue eyes? I couldn't look away. If this is death, why didn't I over-work myself earlier?

"Are you all right?" the stranger asked.

"Who are you? I didn't think angels wore suits." He looked confused, then grinned, an absolutely heart-melting grin.

"I'm no angel. My name is Satoshi Miwa; I'm visiting Yuu Matsuura from Japan. He's your neighbor, down the hall. Doris from next door knew you were sick and was worried when she heard something hit the floor and then didn't hear you cough. Are you ill?"

"Matsuura? Doris? I'm sorry, I don't know anyone's names, I moved in a few weeks ago and haven't met anyone yet; I've been studying. I have." Without waiting for me to be finished with it my voice gave out and a harsh coughing fit overtook me.

Satoshi's face hardened and looked a bit grim as I coughed into his chest, sorely wishing for a handkerchief. When I'd finished he swung me into his arms and stood up.

"Don't talk for a moment, please, that sounds awful. Have you been sick long?" He spoke while carrying me to my bed. Setting me down he spread my afghan over me, then sat on the bed next to me.

"You know, no one even knows your name, but everyone, even Koishkawa and Akizuki are worried."

"I'm sorry, I've had pneumonia for a few weeks now, and I didn't want to spread it to anyone else. I let myself get caught up in my work all week but perhaps I overdid it. What day is it?"

"You don't know what day it is?" he exploded, "How long have you been in here? What's so pressing that you're completely wrapped up in it? Have you been eating?"

"Well, I took a shower this morning, I think. I'm brushing up on some of my analytical techniques. I haven't been assigned a lab yet and I don't want to lose any time once I get in there. I have some carrots in my closet. What day is it?" I started coughing again. He helped me sit up, then got behind me and leaned me back so I was once again resting against his deliciously muscular chest. When he began to speak I could feel the rumble of his voice, ruining my concentration with images of what it might look like underneath the jacket.

"It's Friday. Do you really mean you haven't left this room, except for hygienic purposes, since you moved in? You should be eating properly and getting enough rest, so that you can get better. Your cough sounds dreadful. I'm afraid for you."

I was shocked. No one in a long time had cared about my health and well being like this, not since my roommate back in Texas. Even she'd backed off when she saw how driven I was about my work. I didn't know what to make of this Satoshi, whoever he was.

"I've always been like this, I work through my illness. If I let it stop me then I'd be surrendering. I can't do that. I went running a few days ago, so I have left the dorm. I ate dinner, um, it would have been…I don't remember." His arms seemed to tighten around me.

"Why don't you come to dinner with me? Yuu, Miki, Akizuki, and some of the students here are all coming. You could meet some neighbors, and I wouldn't have to take your books with me. I'd have to take them all, because I don't know which ones you need." He grinned, I swear, I could hear it in his voice. I wanted to look at his face. Swiveling around in his arms I saw I'd been right. He was grinning and I couldn't resist. The combination of his boyish charm, manly determination and flawless Asian features was irresistible. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair, to see if it was smooth as it looked, then stroke the firm line of his jaw until he purred like a cat against my chest. I felt something melt deep in my heart as I recalled my undergraduate obsession with Japanese culture and with men who looked precisely like this one. Dragging my mind back to his question, I somehow dredged up a response that made sense and didn't suggest anything about what I really wanted to do with him.

"I'd love to come to dinner with you. When do we leave, and what should I wear?" Honestly, how could he think anyone, especially me, could deny doing anything he asked?

"Well, I think we're going to leave as soon as I come out." No sooner had he said that than there was a tapping at my door.

"Miwa-san are you all right? Is she hurt? Should we call a doctor?" A woman's voice called out anxiously. Now that I was listening, it sounded like there were quite a few people standing outside my door. How long had they been there?

"Just a moment." Satoshi called out, adding something in a language I presume was Japanese, as long submerged memories seemed to confirm, based on the cadence and syllables. As I stood, effectively removing myself from his arms, I saw a flicker of emotion pass over his face, but it was gone before I could identify it and he shook his head, stood up and walked over to my door before I could move myself, or say anything. He was barely given the time to unlock it before the door burst open and six people burst into my room. Instinctively I shrank back.

Satoshi put his arm around me and greeted the group, "See, she's fine, has just been overworking and not taking care of herself. She's going to come to dinner with us." One of the young women, a brunette, came up and clasped my hand.

"You look so pale. Miwa-san is right; you are coming to dinner with us. I'm Doris, this is my roommate Jinny, her boyfriend Bill is upstairs with mine. His name is Brian. Jinny and I live in the room next door, and we were quite worried. I hope you don't mind, we asked Yuu to use his loft to make sure you were all right, because we couldn't get a hold of a key. Miwa-san volunteered to do the actual rescue. Oh!  I guess I should go get Yuu and the others." She left the room then, and the effect of concentrating on the introductions and the explanations left me dizzy and weak. I suppose I did need to eat something substantial. 

As I slumped against Satoshi the provocatively dressed blonde introduced herself as Jinny, Doris's roommate, and spoke in an ebullient tone.

"We'd heard you coughing all week, and Doris thought you were busy working on something, so I didn't want to bother you, but today really frightened me. Something horrible could have happened." Doris's unobtrusive concern reminded me of myself, at least in my more altruistic moments, while Jinny seemed to be cheerful, yet a bit simple.

"Thank you for noticing." was all I could reply. "I was sick before I moved up here, I think the climate change made it worse, and I didn't want to spread anything. I'm also here to finish my master's degree in chemistry and will be teaching some of the high school chemistry courses, so I've been studying and brushing up all week, as well as working on my research project. As soon as I get my lab assignment I can try to finish my polymer synthesis." The mention of my work drew blank faces, so I hurriedly continued. "I'm sorry I haven't been much of a neighbor."

"It's all right, we'll just have to try and all keep each other out of trouble from now on." She grinned at me. I was glad to have her for a neighbor; she and Doris might be able to help me keep things in perspective, like Jennifer.

"Got 'em!" the jubilant cry rang out from the hallway. "This is Matsuura Yuu, and Koishkawa Miki, Yuu's roommate Bill; Brian's still putting away the rope, and this is Akizuki Meiko." Doris stumbled over the last name and looked hesitantly at an elegant brunette. The woman nodded politely, so I assumed that Doris had gotten the name correct. Akizuki Meiko was a bit intimidating, especially in my weakened state. She had a grace and presence that I rarely see and have never possessed. Everyone crowded into my room, pushing an adorable couple. The young man, Matsuura Yuu, I think, was tall and very fair for a Japanese man and extremely attractive, though not to my tastes so much as Satoshi was; while the young woman could only be described as vibrant. She looked thrilled to be alive, and thrilled to be with Yuu, I could only conjecture.

"Yuu, Miki, this is, um, this is," Satoshi tried to introduce me, belatedly, I suppose, realizing that no one in the room knew my name. I hadn't put a nameplate on my door yet, and no one had asked. He looked down at me a bit sheepishly. "What is your name?"

"I'm Elizabeth Fairfax." I could only manage a small smile, rather than a grin as I coughed. "It's nice to meet you all. Yuu, you live down the hall as well, right?"

"Yes, Bill and I live just a few doors down. We've got a loft you can star-gaze from beautifully. You should probably meet him" At his words a silvery blonde man stepped forward.

"Good afternoon. I'm Bill, Jinny's better half and Yuu's roommate, as you may have heard." He had a studious air about him, and I trusted him almost at once. "You gave us quite a fright." Before he could finish a robust red haired man walked up and slung his arm around Doris.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to coil the rope up or the coach'd kill me. Did I miss my introduction?" He favored me with a grin and extended a beefy hand for me to shake, which I did, a bit timidly. "Hi there, I'm Brian Grant." He offered no further information, and I was grateful for that, lost as I was in a morass of information already. Turning back to Yuu I asked him a question that had come to mind. 

"And this is Miki Coshawa? Your girlfriend?" As soon as the words left me mouth I remembered Bill, but he didn't seem offended at my inattention to him as I concentrated on the girl's response.

"Koishkawa," the girl replied, "Yes, that is me. You can call me Miki. This is Meiko Akizuki. She is my friend." Miki's stilted English still managed to convey a sense of excitement, the opposite of the graceful young lady, Meiko, who extended her hand to me next

"Hello, I'm glad to see that Miwa-san found you unhurt. He's good at rescuing women in trouble." She shared a small smile with Satoshi before continuing, "I think everyone has been introduced now, shall we go to dinner, after Elizabeth changes clothes, if she'd like to?" 

Then proceeded a brief flurry of translation, into Japanese for Miki, then back to English for me. I was fond of the translation, for most of it took the form of Satoshi speaking softly into my ear. His warm breath made me weak in the knees, and I was barely cognizant of what we were discussing, which turned to be dinner arrangements. After some sort of decision was made, utterly without my contribution, everyone trooped out. I could hear Doris and Jinny going next door. The last person to leave was Satoshi; this time he was the one to slowly extricate himself from my grasp on his arms.

"Wear something comfortable. We're going to a quiet place in town, rather casual, so it won't be a strain on you. I'll be just downstairs, please, call for me if you need help." Looking deep into his eyes, I nodded, and he left.

Within my limited wardrobe there are few uncomfortable pieces, so it wasn't hard to settle on a sweater and pair of slacks. Even though it was just the beginning of fall being warm had been a novelty today, and I wanted to preserve the feeling. I wanted to remember the way Satoshi's arms had felt around me, the way his eyes unerringly found mine, the way I felt he'd cared about me when he helped me.

"No! I can't delude myself. He lives in Japan, and probably already has a girlfriend, or a fiancée or a wife. Elizabeth, control yourself." With a stern admonition I freshened my face, brushed my teeth, and headed for the door.


	4. Dinner

What had come over me? When I walked out of her room I had to force myself to leave. She looked so fragile standing there; I just wanted to keep protecting her. I couldn't bring myself to actually go downstairs without her, so I leaned against the wall just down the hall and lost myself in thought.

Pondering how this Elizabeth Fairfax had made me feel, and how Akizuki had looked at me when I had Elizabeth under my arm, took a great deal of my attention. Akizuki had looked glad. I don't know why. I should ask her about it. My thoughts also turned towards Elizabeth's accent. It had confused me. Some syllables had a soft drawl, from the South I assumed, but others, particularly the vowels, sounded a great deal like my Canadian mother's manner of speech. 

Before I could make sense of it door opened, breaking my concentration, and Elizabeth walked out, not timidly or cautiously, but in a matter of fact way. I noticed a difference in her face that hadn't been there when she was unconscious. The features I had thought fragile had been altered slightly, giving her a look of intelligence and drive that transcended simple beauty. This woman began to intrigue me in ways I hadn't dreamt of while I watched her earlier. She seemed oddly resolved after changing into a high-necked navy blue sweater and a pair of grey pants. When she turned away from the door and noticed me, she started a bit.

"I thought you were going to be downstairs. Did you lose your way?" She asked me quietly, walking past.

"I wanted to make sure your outfit matched mine." I resorted to flippancy. How could I tell her I'd been worried she'd faint again, or not be able to navigate the stairs? I almost couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth. I didn't want to offend her. Getting to know this woman, and finding out if I would continue to be attracted to her was paramount in my thoughts, and I didn't want to jeopardize my chances.

"Do I pass?" she asked cheekily, pirouetting quickly in front of me. She did, but before I could tell her so she headed downstairs. I hoped all my worrying was unfounded. 

Following her into the foyer I saw she seemed to be a bit tired, but otherwise well, except for her cough, which overtook her if she tried to speak for too long.

It was decided we'd just walk to the restaurant; it was only a few blocks from the dormitory. To my surprise Elizabeth walked next to Miki-san and Yuu, with the two girls carrying on an animated conversation, somewhat through Yuu, about school. I hung back and watched until Akizuki spoke to me softly.

"Satoshi-san, your eyes light up when you watch her. Did you realize that?"

"Do they? I'm just concerned for her health. She seems to need someone to watch over her."

"You protect people well Satoshi-san, I think she might make you happy."

"What do you mean Meiko-san? We've only just met." She looked at me pensively.

"She seems right for you, like Yuu and Miki, or Ginta and Arimi-san."

"Or you and Na-chan?"

"Yes, or like us. I want you to be as happy as I am. If Elizabeth can make you happy, I don't want you worrying about me, or to hold back on her."

Thank you Meiko. Thank you for both giving your blessing, and for pointing me in the right direction. I'm glad you are with Namura Shin'ichi; he's put a glow in you that I never could.

"I'll try. It depends on her as well." I was glad, for some reason, that Akizuki had also noticed my interest in Elizabeth. Akizuki has always been very perceptive, and I've learned to trust her judgment, even when it's difficult. As we neared the entrance to the Italian restaurant she winked at me before going to talk with Miki.

There was no problem extending our reservation to fit Elizabeth, and we were quickly seated at a large round table in a corner next to a wall of full-length windows. As we were seated I took care to sit next to Elizabeth, to talk to her, and keep an eye on her.

As the meal progressed she grew more quiet, the activity and coughing fatiguing her noticeably, until eventually she was only responding to the conversation, not really participating. The only time she showed some life was when a commotion at the entryway caught her ear.

Though we couldn't see what was happening, a strident male voice rang out, with a distinctly Texan twang.

"I tell you, my good man, we DO have reservations." Some polite maitre d mumbling followed, then a bell-like woman's voice, with a softer version of the same accent. I watched Elizabeth as she listened intently, her body rigid as she strained towards the entrance.

"Pohi-kun, are you sure it was for Paper Moon? I thought you said we were going to Bari's tonight." Apparently the couple was in the wrong, for nothing else was heard.

It took some time for Elizabeth to relax, and as I watched the frail pulse in her throat gradually slow down I found myself obsessed with her neck, or more specifically with possible interactions between her neck and my lips. The fantasy became too vivid when I found myself leaning toward Elizabeth. To mask my baser instincts I asked a question prompted by the strain I could still see in her shoulders and upper arms.

"Are you all right Elizabeth?" I asked under the ebb of the conversation, now mostly in Japanese, as Akizuki and Yuu tried together to explain something about St. Andrew's to Miki.

"I just thought I heard voices I recognized. I must have been mistaken." She ate a few bites of her food, then seemed to forget about the bite still on her fork. "I may have gone too long without leaving my room." With a glance down at her watch she set her fork down and stood up. Instinctively I rose with her, not wanting her to leave my sight, but she placed a single hand on my shoulder and gently pushed. Taking the hint, and not wanting her to exert herself I resumed my seat.

"Excuse me for a moment, I need to make a telephone call." As she walked off I speculated who she might be calling. Was she seeing someone? I hoped not. I had seen nothing to indicate that there was anyone romantically involved in her life at the moment, and I could not imagine being involved with her and allowing her to remain alone while she was so ill.

The minutes dragged by. Miki noticed Elizabeth was missing and mentioned it.

"She needed to make a phone call." Just before I stood up to go looking for her, Elizabeth returned, looking faintly amused and much more relaxed than she had earlier. A nagging suspicion that there was someone else returned to the edge of my thoughts.

"Anything important?" Doris asked.

"No, just a bit of a habit I guess." Elizabeth said shyly. I could tell Bill wanted to say something to that, I recognized the teasing glint that entered his eyes. I felt it pretty often in my own. However, before he had a chance to speak Jinny grabbed his arm and spoke rapidly into his ear. He nodded curtly and remained silent.

We all resumed eating, and the conversation danced around, now in English, now in Japanese, about work, school, music and countless other topics. Inevitably, as happens when women go out together, Meiko excused herself to visit the ladies' room. Miki, Doris, Jinny and Elizabeth followed, leaving behind a table of young men, one of whom was very confused. I had gone out with women before, naturally, and I have a cousin that I escort quite frequently, but I'd never seen this sort of mass feminine exodus from the dinner table.

"Yuu, what are they doing?" I asked suspiciously.

"I think they're going to go talk about you."

"What?"

"You know, Meiko and Miki will make sure Elizabeth's aware of your history, then Miki will tell me how Elizabeth reacted, then I'll tell you."

"Doris and Jinny are probably going to get a feel for the whole situation as well, and for their own future reference." Bill added. "Elizabeth seems a little reserved, maybe she'll be a bit more honest if there aren't any men around.

"Sounds complicated. Why would they need to tell her my history?" At that Brian leaned over and lightly boxed my upper arm.

"Because of the attraction that every one of us can see between you two. She was watching you during dinner, you know. Whenever you took your eyes off of her she'd glance at you, then look down when you turned back to her. Believe me, after watching Jinny chase men for the last few years I know what it looks like when a woman's attracted to a man." On one hand I wanted to dismiss Brian's comments, not only because Elizabeth seemed nothing like Jinny, but also because I had barely lifted my eyes from Elizabeth during the meal. Much as I would have liked to have confirmation of reciprocal feelings, he knew her even less than I did. Yuu's comment was more helpful, as he rejoined the discussion.

"She kept inching towards you. I think that as she got tired she was trying to work up the courage to lean on you, but never quite got there. She feels safest with you, out of all of us. I don't know what it is yet, but there's something starting between you two."

"Yes." After my agreement we sat in silence; sipping our coffee and listening to the next table over discuss what they were going to see tomorrow. Once the girls returned we settled the bill and started walking back. During the short walk I noticed Elizabeth shiver in the slight evening breeze. Without thinking I took off my suit coat and draped it over her shoulders.

"You shivered." I replied to her querying look. "It'll be harder for you to get better if you don't keep warm."

"I've been cold all week. The only time I've been warm was earlier today, when you picked me up." She blushed slightly, and then continued in a softer tone, "I liked it." We walked on in silence, but I did reach down and take one of her hands, noticing that it was cold in my own.

Back at Chidester Hall we all made ready to part, Miki, Meiko, and I were to go to our hotel and collect Yuu and his friends in the morning for some sightseeing. While Yuu and Miki said goodbye I walked Elizabeth upstairs. During the walk back she'd lagged more and more, and it looked like her strength was fading quickly. When we got to her room she pulled her keys out of her purse, but couldn't unlock the door. I took the keys from her hands and unlocked the door for her.

"Come on, I'm going to help you get ready for bed."

"What?" she asked me, a hint of suspicion in her eyes.

"I don't want you to get hurt, or to get up and study all night. This is completely altruistic, you have my word. Can you change by yourself, or so you need help?" As I spoke I gently propelled her into the room and closed the door behind us.

"Can you just get my pajamas down from the closet door?"

"On this hook?" Opening the closet I indicated a hook upon which hung a pair of men's flannel pajamas. Seeing them made me pause and wonder if they'd been an acquisition from some currently absent male.

"Yes."

I brought her the navy-blue striped pajamas, then sat at her desk and turned away as she changed and put away her clothes. At soft noise from her I turned around, and saw her standing in the middle of the room, looking for all the world like a lost child.

"Come on then. Let's get you into bed." Suiting action to word I steered her in a bed ward direction, then turned back the covers and helped her lie down. After I'd tucked her in I sat down on the side of her bed and looked down at her. She was already fighting to stay awake and losing. She was lovely.

"I'll stay here until you're asleep." I told her gently. She nodded once, her eyes drifted closed and her breathing stilled to a quiet murmur. I just sat there, watching her sleep. They say sometimes that people look angelic in repose, or younger, but she just looked vulnerable, as if whatever protected her from the world was only there when she was awake. Without her formidable intelligence animating them her features once again slipped into a beauty that teased and taunted me. I wanted to spend the night just watching over her, to make sure nothing harmed her, or made her happy, without my knowing. At the same time I wanted to gather her close and feel every inch of her body against mine. As I sat there, watching her breathe, I remembered how she'd asked when she woke up if I were an angel. Why would she have asked that? Was her health that poor, that she expected her own demise? Was the idea of strangers being concerned utterly foreign? Was the idea of foreigners completely strange? Why did she seem so totally alone? Did I have the power to help her? No answers came from the sky, nor from Elizabeth, and I was forced to sit peacefully, for fear of disturbing her.

I realized that everyone was probably waiting for me to go back to the hotel. Smoothing a strand of hair away from her face I stood up, then bending back down, brushed a kiss on her lips. 

I couldn't help myself.


	5. Tours and Speculation

Studying has never been something I've really thought about, it was just expected, rather like breathing. I was merely following normal habits when I woke up Saturday morning, took a quick shower down the hall and was comfortably ensconced at my desk, with books open and at the ready, just after seven. Perhaps it is a bit bizarre to be studying before the term begins, particularly when a virtual stranger has tucked you into bed the previous evening, but at least the first made sense to me. 

I was slated to teach at least one and possibly more freshman-level chemistry courses, and because many of the approximations and gentle lies given to the entry-level students are elaborated and expunged in more advanced courses it felt only natural for me to go over the advanced material I had learned, making sure it was fresh in my mind. In this fashion I could answer questions confidently, with proper support if I needed it. The studies also distracted me from the growing impatience to continue work on my laboratory research, something I'd sorely missed and would not be able to continue until Dr. Murphy, my advisor, gave me my lab assignment. 

As to the second factor, the young man, I am ashamed to admit that he didn't even cross my mind. It is not that I'd forgotten, but that I am notoriously not a morning person, and function on automatic until I'm either studying, or forced to respond to external stimuli.

Thus, with both my petty impatience and my curiosity about Satoshi effectively buried within my mind, I retreated into the welcome logic of my studies. The ebb and flow of knowledge, coupled with the impersonal calculations I occupied myself with seemed timeless and it was with genuine surprise that the clamor of the bell tower breached my concentration. Stretching my tense muscles I was a little shocked to note that it was already nearly noon. The thought of lunch recalled the dinner party I'd been in the previous evening.

"What a very strange group of people." I mused to myself aloud, while standing to put away my books. Remembering the evening brought back thoughts of Satoshi. Shying away from him, unwilling as of yet to think of his putting me to bed, I turned my attention to the fellow students I'd met. Trying to remember each of them, I pictured the seating arrangement. A sudden flash of memory from when we'd been seated caused my final text to drop to the desk with a clatter.

"That voice, it had to have been Jennifer, and if she was with Bart then he's here too." I couldn't believe that I'd forgotten. Jennifer Haegerfeld had been my undergraduate roommate in college, and her escort, who I surmised was none other than Bartholomew Bixby, had been a friend of both of us. We'd all gone to school together, at Baylor University, and had become nearly like family. She and I had lived together for three and a half years, going through anime, nicknames, video games, boyfriends, diets and just about everything else together. Bart had met us at an anime convention we'd attended our freshman year, and he'd been included in the group ever since. We had been quite close, and were still, or would have been, had I been a better correspondent. I had, in fact, been living up to my self-appointed title of "World's Worst Correspondent" since we'd all graduated from Baylor with bachelor's degrees, and we hadn't seen each other since then. Jennifer, however, had taken the onerous task of communication almost entirely upon herself, writing often, calling occasionally, and, when I got even worse than usual, sending me self addressed, stamped envelopes to reply to her letters with. Bart and I got most of our news about each other through her, but I knew that he'd moved to New York two years earlier, just after graduation. In her last letter, about a month previous, she had mentioned something about working on her Master's in 19th Century British literature and about being finished moving into a different apartment in the New York area, and I had noticed that the return address was different, but it hadn't struck me that we'd be living close to each other again, the stress of my illness and of moving hadn't exactly been conducive to paying attention to nonessential details.

Setting myself to the task of actually finding the most recent letter and her new address proved not too difficult, and whetted my appetite for a quest involving finding the address that I now held firmly in one fist.

"After all, I haven't anything else to do today, honestly; and some mild walking will probably help my cold clear up a bit." After checking my area map, comparing it to the directions she'd sent, I ascertained that her apartment was less than five miles away from Chidester Hall, thus convincing myself and the empty room at large of the plausibility of my plan. I changed into jeans and a comfortable sweatshirt and headed downstairs to the communal kitchen. While I was making myself a sandwich I heard the front door open and a pile of people rush in. I recognized Yuu's voice, as well as some excited chatter in Japanese and English that I assumed came from Miki, Meiko and the student quartet that I'd met the previous evening. 

It would probably have been polite to go greet them, but even as the thought occurred to me I heard their voices recede, as if they were heading to either Yuu's room or the common room. This assumption left me wholly unprepared for the sudden opening of the kitchen door and the entrance of Miki and her Meiko.

Miki's enthusiasm and Meiko's obviously gentle bemusement prevented them from immediately noticing me. The conversation was too fluent for me to follow, but it seemed to involve Miki exclaiming in happiness, and Meiko humoring her friend. I stood there quietly until they noticed me.

"Oh, Elizabeth," Miki switched into English when she noticed that I was there. "We didn't see you. This is really a great kitchen. I think that I might be a better cook if I had access to this sort of kitchen. You can ask Yuu, I'm a very bad cook" Miki's English had improved a bit during their tour, and I was able to understand her with very little difficulty.

"Miki." Meiko's disbelief was evident. I guessed that this was a continuing, and not particularly bitter discussion.

"How was your morning?" I asked, beginning to put away my sandwich ingredients.

"Super!" Miki grinned at me. I could tell that she'd loved being with Yuu.

"It was great." Meiko chimed in. "Yuu showed us all around New York. We're supposed to go around campus, but Yuu is trying to get out of it. He says that there's nothing interesting, and that it's easy to get lost." The young woman was more relaxed than she'd been yesterday; her demeanor was still lady-like, but it was obvious that she'd caught some of Miki's enthusiasm.

"You know, I'm surprised that Yuu thinks that way. The chemistry building just had a new addition built on, the administration building was built during the nineteenth century, part of the English complex is a deserted barn, and the gardens are lovely, especially in the fall."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Yuu asked from the doorway.

"Didn't you read about the campus before coming?" I countered. He laughed loudly before answering.

"I did not, but it seems like you did. Maybe you should give the tour this afternoon." I thought he was teasing me, but before I could say so Miki grabbed my hand.

"Please?" she asked softly. Turning to Yuu she said something rapidly. 

"She doesn't want you to be lonely." Yuu translated for me, "I think she's also worried that I'll spend too much time giving the tour, and won't give her enough attention." He grinned at Miki.

"Mou!" Her sound of displeasure transcended language barriers. As I tried to think of a polite way to refuse Doris, Brian and Bill came in. Once Yuu explained the plan to his friends, specifically the men, I lost all hope of escaping. One of them firmly attached himself to either side of me and they began a rapid barrage of conversation, centering mostly on how much they'd rather listen to a beautiful girl than more of Yuu's lectures. Bemused, I let them lead me outside. 

As we wandered around campus I noticed that Satoshi and Jinny had joined us. They were quiet, not participating in the exclamations that issued forth from Miki and even the other students at times. I got the distinct impression that I'd been the only one to learn about the campus where I'd be living before I moved in. I shrugged. I had to force myself to remember that they were high school students, and I shouldn't make assumptions. 

When we arrived at the library I decided not to bring my noisy charges inside, but rather to just impart facts and avoid needlessly bothering the patrons. As I spoke about the current and planned renovations I noticed that Satoshi and Meiko were standing together, a little apart from the group. Shaking off the tiniest glimmer of jealousy I stepped down from the stairs where I'd been delivering my miniature lecture. The library was our last building, and as we headed back toward the dorm I noticed that the quiet members of my party were missing. Shrugging mentally I brought the group back, turning them over to Yuu, who had been reading in the common room.  

 Finally alone again I checked that I was still in possession of Jennifer's address, then headed out back to where my car was parked, deciding to forgo my anticipated sandwich and walk in order to safeguard my departure. Finding her apartment was a great deal easier than I'd expected. Of course it helped that she'd also added driving directions with the address, probably in an attempt to tease me, but I honestly couldn't be offended. She was, after all, the girl who'd pretty much demanded my friendship over the past years, and I was grateful for her efforts. It is all too easy for me to shut myself away from people.

Shaking my head clear of introspection I climbed out of my car and made my way slowly to the door. Doubts were beginning to plague me, in particular the fact that she might not be home. Telling myself that I had no choice, I knocked on the door.

"Yes?" She hadn't really changed. I don't know why I'd expected her to. Apparently I had though, because she didn't recognize me. "Can I help you?"

"You know, I actually brave driving over here with directions that you wrote. If I had really needed help I would have never made it all the way over here." I could tell the moment she recognized me, her eyes widened and she grinned.

"Elizabeth, I'm so glad so see you! When did you move up here?" She led me inside as I answered.

"I got settled in last week, I'm getting over a pretty nasty cold right now though. Last night was the first night I actually left the building, and today's the first day I've left campus."

"Well, at least that hasn't changed. When you get sick you go into hiding. I'm glad you're feeling better, even if I didn't know you had been sick. I was beginning to wonder if you had ever decided between Penn State and St. Andrew's. It would have been nice to know that you'd decided to move here, but I know you, so don't worry about it. Would you like some tea?"

"I'd love some." After a brief ritual involving boiling water and dried plants we both sat down in her comfortable, but small living room. "Okay, before I get started, were you and Bart at an Italian restaurant last night?"

"Why yes, actually, we went to two. He'd made reservations at one, but we went to the wrong one first, as usual. Why?"

"I thought I'd heard your voice. I was out eating with Yuu and some St. Andrew's high school students, as well as some visitors. I wasn't sure though, that's what prompted me to come and find you. By the way, what's Bart been up to?"

"And here I thought it was because you'd missed your old friends. He's got a job at a small advertising firm in the city. He made partner just last spring. Didn't I tell you?" At my negative shake of the head she playfully boxed my arm. "I don't know why I still hold out hope that the pair of you will eventually figure out how to communicate without nagging." She laughed. "No matter what the reason, I'm glad you came out. I've missed being able to talk to you, and Bart and I've been getting worried that you're going to work yourself too hard again."

"You worry too much about me Jennifer. I'll be fine. Do you remember the time I spent three straight days trying to write that debate paper? Nothing will ever top that." With that we began to reminisce in earnest, remembering all the quibbles of our undergraduate days. A full three hours had passed before either of us looked at the time. 

"Goodness." Jennifer exclaimed. "It's nearly dinnertime. Do you want to go out and grab something?"

"Sure, so long as it's not Italian," I grinned at her.

"You never used to mind eating Italian all the time. Maybe it was the company. You never did tell me about why you were eating with a gentleman and his family." She was right, I'd been skirting around the present. I didn't know what was going on, and I was afraid that she'd see something going on that I was blind to.

"Oh, it's nothing like you're thinking. He's going to school here, and his girlfriend and a pair of friends came over from Japan to see him. They were having trouble with their relationship because of the distance and misunderstandings, but that's all worked out now. You might call last night a celebratory dinner."

"Remind me again how you met him. Your semester hasn't started yet, and I know you haven't been knocking on doors and introducing yourself around."

"Um." I couldn't help blushing, and her eyes widened.

"Or have you? C'mon Beth. Tell me." In a blatantly manipulative effort she called my by my old undergraduate nickname.

"One of his friends climbed through my window." I spoke rapidly and softly, but she still caught every word.

"Okay, not another word. You and I are going to Kelly's, the very nice bar just down the street, and in between a large number of drinks you are going to tell me exactly why someone, hopefully male, needed to crawl into your room." Picking up her coat, she pushed me out the door. We walked down the street in silence, and it wasn't until we were seated at the polished mahogany bar that she turned to me again. "Okay, first, his name."

"His name is Satoshi Miwa, and before you ask, yes, he's a stunning male specimen. He climbed in my window because I fainted while studying, and the girl who lives next door got worried, so she told Yuu and his friends, and the suggestion was made that someone break in. Miki, Yuu's girlfriend, was worried about Yuu hurting himself, so Satoshi did it. After he unlocked my door they invited me to dinner with them."

"Elizabeth you're leaving something out. I can tell. But that's okay, we have all night, and I'm sure I can get you drunk enough to spill all you sordid little secrets." We both giggled, to break my nervousness if nothing else, and drained our drinks. When the bartender brought us a second round I continued talking. Many rounds later she knew the entire story, down to the way he'd tucked me in, and had guessed my attraction towards him. I could tell she'd guessed when she leaned towards me and questioned me earnestly.

"Okay, be honest now, what do you really think of him? Don't you dare hold out on me."

I was inebriated enough to answer candidly, without thought. "I want him. He's so damn sweet, and even though Meiko told me he liked to rescue girls, I love the way he was just there for me last night, without any questions or anything." Taking a deep swallow of my drink I continued, musing to myself aloud. "I'd also like to spend several hours just exploring his chest, then work up to his face. Maybe the other way around would be better. Seeing him, no matter what he's doing, makes me want to touch him. Last night I watched him eat, and I couldn't stop thinking about him kissing me until I couldn't breathe." My voice trailed off as I imagined him holding me close, his lips on mine while I clutched at his shoulders.

My fantasy was interrupted by Jennifer violently fanning my face with a cocktail napkin.

"Lordy, and you've only known him for twenty four hours? You've got it bad. Geeze girl, you need to talk more to Meiko and find out more about him." She suggested.

"Or just ignore him. There's no way he's interested in me. I'm sure he has someone in Japan, and maybe they aren't telling me because they're trying to be kind, or everyone knows he's just pitying me." I was clinging vainly to any hope of staying uninvolved.

"Elizabeth, first off, I don't think the second could be true, in case you haven't looked at yourself lately." Her tone made me look at her in surprise. "But, even if it is, what does it matter? I think you need this. I've never seen you react like this to a man. Plus, it's been too long since you flirted with someone. It's unhealthy."


	6. Pondering

New York is a fascinating city, and I enjoyed Yuu's tour, but I couldn't help feeling a bit like a voyeur while he showed us around. His normal demeanor is so reticent that it was odd to see him ebullient. I couldn't blame him though; he'd thought that he had lost Miki forever, then, like a pardon from heaven, she gets delivered to him, all but gift-wrapped. 

"They deserve to be happy." Meiko's soft voice surprised me.

"They certainly do, as do you." Looking at the girl I'd once pursued I felt no regret, only a sincere wish for her happiness. The romantic mood of the morning was beginning to wear on me a bit. I called to Yuu: "You two are happy, Akizuki's happy, and I'll bet Jinny, Bill, Doris and Brian are all thrilled too. Do you think you could give a poor single guy a break and feed him?" Everyone laughed, as I'd expected, and we stopped at a small sandwich shop, electing to bring our purchases back to Yuu's dorm to eat.

"Yuu, where do you eat when you're in school?" Miki asked him.

"There's a kitchen in the dorm, and sometimes we all go out together. We take turns cooking too. I'm getting better, so you don't have to worry that I'll starve if I have to depend on your cooking."

"Yuu!" Miki's protest was mostly feigned, but I saw her pout a bit before Yuu grinned and took her hand.

"Yuu, can you show me the kitchen when we get back?" Miki asked a few moments later. "Maybe it will inspire me. Isn't American food easier to cook?"

"Miki, I'll do anything to improve your cooking. It'll certainly help me lower my stress level. Not having to cook every night might give me time to study." Yuu gently tweaked Miki's nose and we all started laughing. With the whole party in a jovial mood we arrived at the dormitory and entered. I followed the bulk of the party into the living room where the reconciliation had taken place the day before, and we began eating. Miki and Meiko had gotten directions about the whereabouts of the kitchen from Yuu, and they headed off in that direction. They weren't gone for very long before Yuu followed them. A few moments after he left I heard him laugh loudly.

"I wonder what Yuu's laughing about." Doris asked Brian.

"I have no idea. We should go find out." With that they and Bill left the room. With a shrug at Jinny I finished my lunch and did the same. All the commotion had been caused by the group clamoring for Elizabeth to give a tour of campus. I expected her to demur, especially in light of her recent illness.

Her quiet agreement startled me, and bothered me on a very deep level. I wanted to lash out at the people who had asked this of her, but it was not my place. I had to content myself with joining the group.

After Jinny and I began to follow everyone else, she drifted off to walk next to Bill, and I stayed with Meiko on the outskirts of the group, so it wasn't until we'd already gotten started that I saw Elizabeth properly. I was relieved to see that the only indications of her collapse last night were clothes slightly warmer than the weather demanded, and a leisurely pace to the tour. As we meandered about campus I was struck by her manner. She was so self-possessed that it was hard to imagine her ever losing control. I found myself trying to reconcile the woman in front of me with the one I'd held ever so briefly last night. I had been correct in one thing, she was immeasurably more attractive while awake, with intelligence sparkling in her eyes. I watched her give the tour, with her entire person dedicated to conveying information, and I wanted her as a teacher. 

As the informal tour continued I paid very little attention to the campus around us, focusing instead on the young woman speaking, rather than her words. I was attracted to her, of that I was certain, but I could not quite pinpoint the source of the attraction. Everything about her made me want to be a part of her life. When she stumbled, I wanted it to be my arm she blindly groped for; when she looked longingly towards the chemistry building, I wanted to understand her academic obsession. The dichotomy of beauty and brains that I'd assumed was present earlier had blurred, and the idea was slowly forming that I wanted this young woman in every possible way, both to possess her, and to be possessed by her.

With Meiko it had been different; I had seen a beautiful girl one day and decided to pursue her. When I caught a vulnerable moment I took advantage of it, with the fortunate consequence of pushing her toward the realization of her potential as a writer. Remembering my past antics in the library brought a smile to my face, and I involuntarily looked towards Meiko, only to be shocked to see her walking away. I followed, and caught her arm just before she entered a tall building.

"What're you doing?" I asked her.

"Weren't you paying attention at all?" she smiled softly. "This is the library. I wanted to look inside for a bit. Elizabeth's taking them back to the dorm."

"Oh. I should have known." With an odd sense of familiarity I trailed behind Meiko as she wandered through the maze of shelves, occasionally pausing to reverently touch a spine, or to read a passage. When we finally left dusk was beginning to fall.

"Are you sure this is the way back, Meiko? It's getting late."

"Yes Satoshi-kun, this is the way back. Unlike some people I was paying attention during the tour." With a snort I kept following her, then saw the outline of a familiar building. She had been right.

"Miwa-san, Meiko, where were you?" Miki called out worriedly from the doorway. "We were about to leave for dinner without you."

"I wanted to see the library." Meiko explained. Miki's only response was a look of fond indulgence as she led her friend into the dorm. Following them inside I immediately noticed that Elizabeth was no longer in their company. Trying to catch Yuu's attention failed, so I approached Brian and Bill.

"Have you seen Elizabeth?"

"No, she left when we got back." Bill answered after some thought.

"Did she tell anyone where she was going?"

"I don't think so, she just walked off, toward the back once we were all inside. She didn't say anything." Brian seemed unperturbed by this. Without another word I nodded at them and walked over to join Yuu and Miki. Throughout dinner, which I do not remember, I was niggled by a small amount of worry. I do believe that I was hurt because she hadn't told me that she was leaving. It was an irrational thought, but I could not dispel it. 

After dinner the group decided to go dancing, and Yuu obligingly led us to a cozy little club, with a dance floor and good drink selection. My inattention may have been noticed, but was not commented upon by the party, even as I squired each lady in turn about the dance floor. Because of all the partner exchanging going on upon the dance floor, it was not hard to relinquish Doris to Bill after a time and to return to the table which we'd laid claim to. It was there that I was sitting, nursing a drink with a paper umbrella in it that Meiko'd ordered for me when the DJ made a curious announcement.

"All right, I hope all your bets have been placed. It's now five minutes until nine, and I'll turn the speakers over to the campus station so that we can hear Joel's broadcast, and hopefully, for the sake of my bet, also hear from his new friend." The confusion I felt at this announcement must have been evident on my face, for when the waitress came by a few moments later she commented on it.

"You look confused."

"To what is the DJ referring?" I asked her. She gained a knowing look and answered me warmly.

"For the past week or so a young lady has been calling Joel, the late evening DJ on the campus station, every night at about nine. She doesn't give her real name, just calls herself Tsutami, and they talk about the most interesting things."

"That doesn't seem that unusual. After all, it is a common Japanese name."

"Well, I guess it wouldn't, but Joel really enjoyed talking to her the first night, so he aired the taped conversation. If you heard her you'd know that wherever she's from, it's probably not Japan. She called back the next night and they got into a bit of a spat, but it was live. Since then he keeps the lines open, and when she calls he makes like she's another host. It's fascinating to hear her speak. Maybe you'll get the pleasure this evening." I was about to ask another question when a male voice boomed across the room.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is Joel, coming to you directly from the studios of your campus station, where I'm joined by phone with our fabulously unexpected guest, the unfettered mistress of nine o'clock, Tsutami." A roar of pleasure came from the darkened dance floor. Someone had won his bet.

"Joel, you spout hyperbole almost as much as a man in love might." The responding feminine voice was slightly husky, and brought to mind predators in the forest.

"Who's to say I haven't fallen in love?"

"If you did that on such short notice I'd have to lose my respect for you."

"What on earth does the time frame have to do with your respect for me? Love is love, after all."

"I beg to differ. Attraction, lust, romance and attachment all seem to fall under the domain of love these days. Since you were not in love last night, I can only surmise that you are not in love tonight, or if you insist upon deluding yourself into thinking so, then you must be experiencing a different feeling." Her voice wasn't stern, but she sounded adamant.

"You wound me, milady. Have you no belief in love at first sight, or the uniting of twin souls in a single glance?" He was baiting her.

"I am the only one that has been wounded. I can only assume that you've met someone else and it is only a matter of time before I am summarily cast aside. After all, you've never seen me. Failing that, you have been reading Shakespeare again, haven't you?" Her voice was clipped, but held an accent that was distinctly not from New York. I wanted to call it British, but it didn't quite fit.

"Don't be ridiculous, of course I have not. I have been swept away into a whirlwind of romance and magic. Physical sight is merely a plebian detail." It sounded as though he had spread his arms wide when speaking, and probably closed his eyes. If he'd hoped for a reaction, he got one, but not one that anyone expected.

"Joel," was all she got out before she began to chuckle. It was a rich dark sound that curled its way into my chest and wrapped around my heart, warming it. "Romance is a term only applicable to literature now. As anything else it is in the last stages of death, trammeled by centuries of overuse and trite sentiment. It cheapens you to even suggest you've been influenced by it." Her voice had grown hard on the last sentence, and Joel seemed to catch that.

"I beg you pardon. I meant only to jest with you. I have been reading the Bard, and I suppose my wish has, in a small way been granted. I had hoped to speak of his Dark Lady with you, my own lady of the evening."

"Your flattery is stunningly obvious." The humor was back in her voice and I belatedly realized that there had never been malice in the conversation. This was a sparring match, between two masters. I could see why people enjoyed listening to them talk, if this was even a small representation. "But I shall accept your apology, if you'll grant me a request."

"What's the lady's pleasure tonight?"

"I think I should make my point one last time. Could you play _Gunning Down Romance_, by Savage Garden?"

"Tsutami, I'd be happy to. How will it help your point though?"

"Listen to the song. It'll be obvious." 

A soft click indicated that she'd ended the call. After a moment of silence the song began to play, and I realized what she'd meant. With a grin I turned towards the dance floor, wishing Joel luck in pursuing his lady, and intending to find Meiko for a partner before we headed back. As I looked for her I caught a glimpse of a graceful brunette moving purposefully toward the door. My first thought was of Elizabeth, but closer inspection revealed the woman to be a stranger. As it had happened before, my thoughts diverged and I wondered first where she was, and then why I was wondering about it. It was in this pensive state that Meiko found me and dragged me towards the exit. We dropped off Yuu and returned to our hotel suite, and by that time I'd pushed Elizabeth sufficiently far enough from my thoughts to carry on normal social interactions before we all retired.

            The next morning got off to a slow start. After the activity of the night before Miki made a late morning of it, frustrating Meiko to no end. When we'd all finally gathered in the late morning and begun to eat breakfast Yuu called, inviting everyone to come shopping with him. Miki and Meiko agreed, wanting to find souvenirs, and they scrambled to get ready.

            As the girls were getting ready the telephone rang again. When neither of them made any move towards it I answered.

            "Hello?"

            "Oh, I'm glad you picked up Satoshi. It's Yuu. It seems like Doris and Jinny had plans for the day, so Brian and Bill wanted to invite you to come over to enjoy their company."

            "That sounds pretty good. I didn't have anything planned for being alone, and no offense intended, but I'd rather not go souvenir shopping. Perhaps the three of us will venture into the city."

            "Sure, I'll let all of you work it out, so long as you're all back and tidied up for the musical. The girls will commit murder if I'm the only escort. Just come over with Miki and Meiko, why don't you?" I agreed and hung up. In short order out trio was in the lobby of our hotel, waiting for a taxi.

            "What are your plans Satoshi?" Akizuki asked me conversationally.

            "Honestly, I have no idea. I suspect Yuu exerted some pressure on his friends to prevent my being left alone."

            "Maybe he's just trying to get you on campus." Miki piped up.

            "What?" Initially I was flabbergasted, but as I mulled over exactly why Yuu might want me on campus, an image of a young woman sprung immediately to mind. "I refuse to believe that."

            "Believe what?" Akizuki's reply to what I thought had remained internal disconcerted me. I was unwilling to tell the truth

            "It's of no consequence. Look, here's our taxi." Stepping forward I ushered them inside and we made the short trip in silence. Upon our arrival Yuu bounded down the stairs before the taxi came to a halt.

            "Okay, don't forget we're going to Jinny's mother's production of _The Phantom of the Opera_ tonight." He spoke partly to me and partly to the girls seated behind me."

            "What time does it start?" Miki asked, looking worried that she wouldn't have enough shopping time.

            "It starts at eight, and the girls told us to meet here at six, but that we should eat before we met up."

            "That shouldn't be a problem, as long as you take Miki and I back to the hotel a bit early so we can change." Akizuki was being practical. As I exited the vehicle Yuu took my place and replied.

            "Not a problem. We'll see you at six then, gentlemen." With a wave Yuu and the girls departed, leaving Brian, Bill and I alone on the front steps.

            "Satoshi, have you been to New York before?" Brian turned to me and asked.

            "Yes, actually, I've come a few times when my father had meetings here, and he sent me over last year to meet some business friends of his, but I spent all my time either in meetings or at restaurants. I don't know about any of the tourist attractions here. Why do you ask?"

            His face fell a bit. "I had been hoping that you might have some ideas of what we could do while the girls are gone. I'm a bit at a loss these days when the girls are gone and I'm not in the gym"

            I wanted to see Elizabeth, but that wasn't an option. After she'd disappeared yesterday I wasn't sure if she enjoyed being in our group's company, and the absence of other females would certainly look suspicious. I hastily wracked my brain, trying to thin of some New York attraction that we could visit, but drew a blank.

            "Why don't we go to a museum?" Brian suggested quietly. At Bill's incredulous look he continued in a slightly defensive manner. "Doris has been talking all week about an exhibit they have as the Metropolitan. She got me interested in it."

            "That sounds good." Bill remarked, "Who knows, there're always lots of girls at the museum on Sundays, maybe we can find someone for Satoshi here. Shall we get going?" With a wink at me her stood up and started walked towards the gates.

            "Where are you going? The lot's in back, you know that."

            "But your car's with Doris, remember?" Bill's reply, floating back on the wind a bit, galvanized Brian and I to stand up and follow him, the three of us making our way to one of the country's most famous museums.


	7. A Cry in the Night

I study too much. People never hesitate to tell me that. They also point out that getting up at half-past eight after a night out drinking specifically to study is not the action of a sane human being, unless some test looms within the next twenty-four hours. This has, of course, never given me pause. After my night out with Tal I was a bit nostalgic, but the interruptions my routines had undergone in the past few days were enough to make me seek the solace of my books. The nostalgia was solved by digging out a very old CD, containing the performance of my university's jazz ensemble from my first undergraduate year. My boyfriend had been the principle saxophonist. As the music surrounded me I remembered, yet at the same time forgot my emotional attachment, and turned to my books, again trying to shut out my surroundings. 

            No matter how little my study skills had been affected, something had, for when a light tap sounded on my door just prior to lunch time I was much less than shocked. The shock entered when I opened the door and did not see Satoshi, but rather my neighbors, Jinny and Doris. 

            "Hi there! We saw Yuu at breakfast, and he mentioned that he'd heard music coming from your room, so we knew that you were awake." Jinny rushed to explain their intrusion, as Doris just smiled.

            "What she's trying to get around to saying is that we're going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art this afternoon. They're showing a special collection from the Louvre and it's supposed to be fantastic. Would you care to join us?"  I cast a quick glance around my room, especially at the open textbooks on my desk. Shrugging a bit I turned back and answered.

            "I'd love to. I do have plans for the evening though, and have to be back by five. Will that hinder your plans at all?"

            "No, of course not. That gives us just over five hours to gaze in awe at works meant to transport, enlighten, and generally make us feel more than we are." Jinny's voice trailed away as she executed a quick pirouette in the hallway. Doris and I giggled at her antics.

            "Why don't you two come inside?" I offered. "It'll only take me a few minutes to get ready." They stepped inside and I tidied up my books before changing my sweatshirt for a blazer and blouse. Once we all looked properly studious we headed out. I was surprised when Doris offered to drive. I asked her about it, because I knew from meeting with my advisor before moving out here that cars among the student body were a rarity.

            "I'm borrowing Brian's car for the day. He didn't want Jinny and I to have to walk. He can be such a sweet man sometimes." She commented shyly. 

            The drive to the museum took about half an hour, and during that time we kept the conversation pretty light. The only real contact we'd had was at dinner on Friday, so there was much to talk about. The first matter was their version of recent events, concerning themselves, as well as Yuu and Miki. I was shocked to find out about all the turmoil that they'd undergone.

            "But you all seem so comfortable now. I'm a bit skeptical. It sounds too much like fiction."

            "I wish it were. Then I would have an excuse for having acted so badly." Jinny looked out the window at the scenery rushing past. "I don't deserve to be forgiven for deliberately lying to Miki, and trying to take Yuu away from her, and I'm doubly sorry now that I've met her. I don't deserve Bill either, but love isn't something you can rationalize."

            "I see." I didn't, not really, because I'd always felt that if you couldn't rationalize something that it didn't exist, but Jinny's discomfort was plainly evident, so I switched the conversation around to discussing fields of study. This kept us going until we arrived at the museum and parked.

            I have always loved museums, their calm sense of the eternal and their easy pretension and conviction of the importance of human history and talent. Sunday afternoons, sadly, are poor days in which to try and absorb the stillness of a museum. An enormous, murmuring, jostling mob was in the building, mostly looking at the Vatican frescoes and the splendid Egyptian collection.

            "Wow, this place is packed." Jinny whispered in my ear after we'd spent a quarter of an hour trying to look at the frescoes. "I'm going to sneak over and look at the jewelry." As she slipped away through the crowd a large group of school children enveloped me. The shrill whispers and giggles made the idea of escape even more tempting. Nudging forward, trying to make minimal amounts of contact with the elementary school students, I laid my hand on Doris's shoulder.

            "There are simply too many people in here. Jinny's in the jewelry exhibit, I'm going to go look at the European paintings." She tried to respond, but the crowd's muted voice swelled and she shook her head in frustration. Grabbing my hand she headed for the hallway outside the exhibit hall. As a strange two-headed insectile animal we wove through the crush, finally arriving beyond the maddening crowd.

            "I'm glad you said something. It's a zoo in there. You have the right idea. I think I'll go look at the American period rooms. Would you like to meet in the gift shop at three?"

            "Sure." I checked my watch, "I guess I'll see you in a few hours then." With a shared smile we parted in search of art without quite so much humanity. 

            As I'd expected, the long galleries housing the European paintings were virtually deserted. Walking slowly past countless staring portraits, lost in my thoughts, I occasionally paused, staring into the eyes of those immortalized in brushstrokes and canvas, and searched for clues as to what kind of people they'd been. It was a substitute for my much missed lab work I think: analyzing physical properties and minute variations in a representation of the real thing, hoping to elicit all of its secrets. The process is the same, only the medium and equipment change.

            Eventually I found myself alone in a smaller gallery, without even a guard to disturb me. This room was noticeably dimmer than the others, with the darkness making itself comfortable, casting a gloom over everything. Even the spotlights over the paintings seemed subdued: a testament to the desertion of the watchful eyes of daylight. Glancing around the room my gaze was caught by a hanging on the other side of the room.

            As I stepped nearer I glanced at the label, proclaiming the painting to be _Allegory of Winter_, painted by Jacques de La Joue the Younger. The painting itself depicted a female figure, crouching, her gaze lifted towards a cold sun. Surrounded by barren trees, cold statuary and accompanied by a cherub of some sort, she seemed to be unfurling, rising from a bower of dead trees. It was undoubtedly a somber scene, but I could not take my eyes from it. The woman was not merely Winter; to me she became Reason, stretching forth in a world wracked by the ravages of emotion and religion. I burned with a desire to help her rise, to see her standing erect under that pale sun, triumphing and bringing the luster of her pale intellect to the wilderness in which she had been slumbering.

            When the imp drew my eye I thought of the tale of Persephone and Hades. Fancy took hold as I contemplated the tale, but rather than Demeter's sorrow causing winter, I toyed with the idea that there had been another daughter, who had been cold to Persephone's warmth, and only allowed to inhabit the earth in her sister's absence. It was fitting, that one daughter's beauty could captivate the lord of Death, allowing another's intellect to chill the earth. Looking at the marble-pale skin of the painting I yearned to be that sort of monolith, linked inextricably to a force of nature, beyond petty human concerns and emotions. 

I know not how much time passed while I was thus occupied, but eventually I unconsciously reached my own hand, gone cool in the chill of the room towards the painting. In the spotlight my hand gleamed dully, an intricate network of veins shown against ghostly pale flesh. I was a little shocked at how cold I had gotten, but the sound of a low gasp coming from behind me made me turn, with reflexes slowed by my lowered temperature.

There, standing in the doorway, was a man. The light difference between this room and the next was great enough to backlight him, allowing me only to see his long, lean silhouette. It seemed as though he'd been there for quite a while, with one broad shoulder resting against the wall and his legs loosely crossed at the ankle. I was utterly dumbstruck, too caught up in my own fantasies to do anything more than this shadow of a man. He seemed to have been conjured by my own thoughts of Hades, I was seized by a frisson of fear that he was there to drag me down to meet the Lord of Hell.

Long moments passed, in which all I could do was stare. As I was readying to clear my throat of the sticky remnants of dreams he suddenly stiffened and stood erect. After a graceful bow he abruptly turned and left. My eyes had been straining to discern his features within the shadows and the sudden increase in the intensity of the light dazzled me. When I made my way to the doorway the gallery beyond was empty, void even of the echo of footsteps.

Though it wasn't yet time to meet Doris I had seen enough art for the day. Making my way to the museum café I ordered coffee and a croissant. I was busily sipping one and crumbling the other at a corner table when I felt a light touch on my back. Still on edge from my mysterious visitor earlier, I let out a shriek and pivoted sharply to see Jinny standing behind me.

"What on earth is wrong? You're shaking like a leaf." Concern shone in her honest eyes.

"Someone in one of the European galleries was watching me."

"Do you mean a guard?"

"No." I proceeded to recount the tale to her. "When I turned I couldn't see his face. He was like some creature of the night, or of Hades, come to taunt a world that had lost its Persephone and gained a poor substitute. I was afraid of him, but it seemed like I'd called him somehow."

"That's creepy. At least he didn't try anything. There're some wretched people in this city."

"That might give me some relief now." I smiled ruefully. "At least then I would have proof of his humanity." I dragged my still chilled hands through my hair and sighed. "As it is I get the feeling that today he was only watching me, and that he'll take action later."

"Don't talk like that, you'll only frighten yourself more. You'll never see him again."

"You're probably right." Recalling his sudden stiffness another thought occurred to me, "I think he may have been as surprised to find himself watching me as I was."

"Maybe it was love at first sight." Ignoring my rolled eyes Jinny asked, changing the subject, "Do you know where Doris is?"

"She and I were supposed to meet in the gift shop at three."

"That's only about five minutes from now. Do you want to head over there now?"

"Yes, I don't want to be alone for a while." I examined my mangled pastry. "Looks like I've rendered this about as inedible as possible." Cleaning up we headed over to the gift shop, where Doris was already waiting.

"Oh good." She said with a smile. "You found Jinny."

"Actually I found her in the café, murdering a croissant and trembling like she'd seen her mother's ghost." Jinny answered her.

"Did something happen?" Doris looked at me with a faint crease in her brow.

"Just someone watching me in a gallery. I was distracted by a painting, so I let it get to me a little more than I should have." When Doris drew me close for a quick hug I remembered the last hug I'd received. My cheeks flared at the thought of being in Satoshi's arms.

"I told you we shouldn't have excluded the guys." Jinny commented while we browsed through the merchandise. "Yuu said that Brian and Bill were going to entertain Satoshi. If they'd come along Liz could have had her protector nearby."

"Jinny, quit it. Elizabeth's just fine." Doris stressed my name a bit, in response to Jinny's abbreviation, "I'm sure those three enjoyed a day without female conversation, and you've made the poor girl blush." Doris was right, I'd turned a deeper shade of scarlet.

"Don't worry about it. I think Satoshi would be glad to not be forced into the role of knight-protector on my behalf again. I'd already been too much of a burden to him on his visit." I was adamant about downplaying exactly how much I had wanted him to be there. I don't think I fooled either of them.

"We still have about an hour, do you two want to grab a bite to eat, or should we brave the frescoes again?" I was grateful to Doris for changing the subject.

"Let's go eat something. We won't have time before the musical, if we're not meeting 'til six, and I'm getting hungry. Is that all right with you, Elizabeth?" Jinny looked at me contritely when she used my full name.

"Sure, it'll save me some time, and I'm starting to get used to conversation while eating. It'd be a shame to eat alone, and special exhibit gallery is still packed." In full agreement we drove back to campus and ate at a tiny Taiwanese noodle kitchen near the business building. If either of my companions noticed my continued unease during the meal they didn't comment, but chattered comfortably about the upcoming beginning of school, asking me questions about my position, and wishing me luck when they heard I'd get my assignment the next morning.

As often happens, we lost track of time in the restaurant, and getting home when I needed to proved to be a pretty close call. Almost before the car stopped I'd muttered my thanks to my companions and scurried upstairs. Dressing quickly in a sleeveless sheath, I paused before my mirror long enough to apply the minimum amount of cosmetics and smooth down my hair. Tucking my tickets, wallet and keys into a tiny evening bag I walked down the hall, my haste tempered by my heels. As I was leaving I caught a glimpse of Meiko, also dressed in formal wear. I wondered if she too was attending the musical, but a quick glance at my watch prevented any conversation. She began to walk towards me, but I could only smile apologetically and continue out to my car.

            "I'm dreadfully sorry." I murmured once I'd reached my car. "I'd love to talk a bit more, but I can't be late for _Faust_." One of my parting gifts from my undergraduate advisor, once he'd learned I was to go to New York, had been a season ticket to the New York Opera. I had intended to attend the previous weekend, but my illness had prevented it. This was the final showing, and I had no intention of missing it. I have always loved opera's grandeur and spectacle, to say nothing of the music. I loved the epic romances and emotion as well, so different from the trite and banal emotional displays I seemed to be inundated by in the physical world.

            I arrived in plenty of time and was comfortably ensconced in my seat when the curtain rose. I had never seen Gounod's _Faust_ performed, but I am very familiar with Goethe's play of the same subject. I adored the magnificent tenor that had been chosen to fill the title role, but as Mephistopheles entered the stage my thoughts hearkened back to the silent watcher I'd seen that afternoon. I tried to pay attention to the play and to forcibly pry my thoughts away, and I succeeded, in a fashion. I concentrated on the differences between the opera and the play. As I had been before, I was disappointed to see Faust, such an eminent scholar, fall prey to the easy sentimentality offered by Mephistopheles. My rational indignation did not last long, however, as the opera worked its spell. Though the hopeful ending rang a bit falsely to me, I was well pleased with my evening. 

            As I walked through the cool night air I remembered another play I'd read, _Doctor Faustus_ by Marlowe. Sinking into the driver's seat, I remembered why we'd read it.

            "It was supposed to be a counterpoint to the Goethe, but I always wanted to differentiate between Faust and Faustus." Driving home, I tried to remember exactly what had bothered me about the two plays, but it eluded me until I was parked.

            "Of course." I had understood Faustus's desire to trade his soul for knowledge, his thirst for a challenge beyond the earthly knowledge that he'd already mastered. I remembered quite clearly now, arguing at great length about the feasibility, and of my own willingness to make such a devil's bargain. Exiting my car, I looked across campus at the chemistry building, darkened now, without fervent researchers burning the midnight oil. Heedless of the brisk wind that sliced through my short dress, I shut the car door, left my wrap on the roof and took a few steps onto the grassy field that separated my dorm from the inner campus.

            "After all, I may very well have sold my soul for knowledge. I am my work now." A hint of the yearning I'd felt earlier that afternoon while looking at _Allegory of Winter_ returned to me and I raised my arms to the sky. As memories of a life and a past now long gone flooded my mind I began to cry. "Mother, Father, the devil has come to collect his due, but I shall pay the price, as you probably knew I would." I remained there, poised in the night like a statue, with the wind cutting bone deep, tears drenching my face, until I began to cough. The fit wracked my body harshly, throwing me to my knees until the coughs subsided and I could regain my feet, make my way back to the car to collect my wrap, and enter the hushed and deserted dorm.

            Getting up the stairs nearly took my breath away, but when I made it to my room and turned on my desk lamp the clock propelled me towards the phone. My nightly conversations with Joel the DJ had quickly become habit, one that I derived a great deal of pleasure from. Even though it was nearly two hours after my habitual calling time I didn't want to distress him. I also craved anything routine that might jolt me from my uncharacteristically maudlin state. Dialing the number of the school radio station without thought or pause, I was shocked to hear my husky whisper in response to Joel's greeting. Even with the British tone I automatically assume when talking to him, I sounded like an aging prostitute.

            "Okay, what happened? You sounded so much better yesterday." He asked me.

            "I've had an eventful day."

            "I thought something must be going on, I was beginning to worry that you'd stood me up."

            "Dreadfully sorry. I had an engagement with a Dr. Faust. I couldn't disappoint him."

            "After seeing such a renowned man I'm surprised you sound like you're dying."

            "Crying is more like it." I remarked softly, then couldn't help myself. "Have you ever felt that something enormous is coming your way, some kind of choice, and that whatever decision you make will change you irrevocably?"

            "Is that why you've been crying?" Joel's voice was somber. I chose to blithely ignore his inquiry.

            "Faustus sold his soul for knowledge and made a bargain with the devil to do so. I would do the same in his shoes, indeed I think I already have. I've already devoted my heart and soul to my research, when all is said and done, what use do I have for either?"

            "Well, not to make light of the situation, but you're assuming that your work will end at some point. From what I know of you even if a project ends, you'll find another."

            "Am I a fool then, Joel?" The question burst from me, spurred by more torturous introspection, not his attempt to lighten the discussion. "I sit and try to objectify love, to analyze it away to its rudimentary chemicals and impulses within the brain, in hopes of remaining aloof from it. Is trying to gird my heart against more pain only causing a different sort of pain? Has all my formidable brain power rendered me impervious to love?"

            "I think you haven't met the right man. It makes no difference how you try to objectify things, or to fit yourself and your humanity away into scientific compartments. I know you Tsutami. I have heard rapture in your voice when you speak of art as well as science, as clearly as I hear your desperation now. You are not immune to love, far from it. One day you will meet your match, and fall so deeply in love that not even you will be able to understand it."

            "Why then, is there a devil lying in wait for me? I am hurtling towards a chasm, a decision I must face, and I'm seeing apparitions staring at me that vanish when I try to examine them in turn."

            "You're seeing things, people following you?" Joel's question was brutally sharp.

            "How can I make a bargain with Mephistopheles if he's trying to drive me mad?" Belatedly Joel's question registered within my mind. In a somewhat brisker tone I collected myself and replied to it, my tone approaching normalcy, to my own ears at least. "Sorry, it was only the once, and I'm sure I was overwrought at the time. I was completely convinced that the man I saw was a minion of Hades, sent to gloat about the loss of Persephone and the onset of winter. I allowed my fancy too free a reign, I fear."

            "No more." Joel cut me off, for the first time. "You're well read, a brilliant woman, and obviously both exhausted and mildly delirious from your illness, which seems to have resurfaced. Don't try to pretend that I can't hear you coughing, no matter how you try to muffle it. Please, hang up and go to sleep, for my sake."

            "Thank you, you don't know how much you've helped me tonight." As my exhaustion exerted itself I felt more than heard the lilt of my native Michigan creep into my voice. 

            "One day, m'dear. All in good time. Good night, milady." Joel's warm voice was the last thing I heard before I began coughing, in earnest again, all attempts at quiet forgotten. When I finally stopped I was left weakly gripping my desk, draped bodily over it, the receiver still in my grasp.

            Without attempting to respond to the shout I could hear coming from the telephone I gently replaced the receiver on the cradle and changed for bed, exchanging the dress for a warm pair of flannel pajamas. I would apologize and explain to Joel tomorrow, I decided. After a hearty draught of cough syrup I snuggled down amidst my covers and surrendered to sleep.

            The combination of sleep and medicine served me well. I awoke the next morning in a relatively normal condition, which is to say that I had awoken, showered, dressed and eaten breakfast before becoming aware enough to take inventory. This in itself was a cheering sign, because a long awaited meeting with my new advisor, Dr. Murphy had been scheduled for this very day. Not only was I eagerly anticipating meeting a man with his formidable academic reputation, but today was also the day when I'd receive my laboratory assignments and my teaching schedule. It would be nice to have some structure in my life again. Checking my watch, I saw that it was time to head over.

            Arriving in the chemistry building was like returning home after a long absence. The smell of the chemicals used in all freshman labs, the faint hiss of gas lines, the perpetually dim staircases all reminded me of how right the decision to come here had been. Knocking softly on the door, Professor Murphy himself granted me admittance to his inner sanctum, an office crammed with book and thirty years of academic paraphernalia.

            "Good morning Miss Fairfax. It's lovely to see you today. I hope you've settled yourself comfortably over in Chidester Hall?" I murmured my assent and nodded briefly as he rolled onward. "I want to tell you again how glad I am that you can come join our little group. We have been sorely in need of a good basic instructor, especially after the mess of things that those poor education students made of things last semester." He clucked softly and shook his head.

            I was well aware of the mess the chemistry program here had gotten into. A lack of graduate students had caused a teaching shortage, and the administration, in all its wisdom, had assigned a number of graduate students in the education department to teach a few of the high school chemistry courses. It had become a farce almost immediately, with the instructors utterly unable to do anything but read the books aloud, and the research professors being pulled away to lecture. Dr. Murphy had contacted my advisor, Dr. Komachoski, who'd presented the idea to me. It had seemed ideal at the time, a light lecture load, coupled with a lab of my own to complete my research, and my masters' degree waiting at the end of it. I was indescribably thrilled to be there.

            "Thank you sir, I'm very happy to be here."

            "Yes, of course. Komachoski wouldn't send me anything but the best. Now, we've decided to start you out with just one class, the honors freshman chemistry course. It's just a basic survey but we wanted someone with a nimble mind who could keep up with all the bright students."

            "Thank you. I'm honored that you felt like you could trust me." He waved a hand dismissively.

            "Think nothing of it. Actually, those honors classes can be beastly. The kids keep trying to get the better of you. If you have any trouble, send them to me. Here's the selected text for the semester, as well as the supplementary materials, and all the information about class meeting times and the locations. Just remember, you won't be in charge of the lab." He handed me a thick stack of books, the top one of which was a folio labeled "Lecture Notes."

            "Now, your office will be on this floor, at the end of the hall. They've already put your name up. It's small, but with a good reading lamp it should suit you fine. Remember to have at least three hours available weekly for questions. Your lab is a different story. I hope you don't mind, but we've had to put you on the top floor. You'll be the only one up there, but there's a stout lock on the door, so you shouldn't feel alarmed about being here at all hours." He gave me a sharp look. "Not that we're expecting that. I've been told about your devotion to your duty young lady, and I hope I won't have to take you to task for it."

            "I'll try to contain myself sir. I'm not promising miracles, but I shan't bring my cot over. Will that do for a compromise?" The old man began laughing earnestly and walked around the desk to clap me on the shoulder.

            "You'll do, Miss Fairfax. You'll do splendidly. Now, you go off and acquaint yourself with the building. We can't have you looking lost while you're teaching. Make sure you don't spend too much time in the lab this week, the heating system won't be turned on for the upper floors until classes start, and it gets mighty chilly up there, with all the wind." With that I was escorted out of the door and headed down the hallway to my own office. His description was correct, it was small, but would suit me well for the time being. Sitting down at the desk I began idly shuffling through the books he'd given me for the class. When I got to the prepared notes I dropped the folio on the desk.

            "What absolute rubbish. These are dreadful." I quickly saw that the textbook was as much at fault as the preparer of the notes. Shaking my head sorrowfully, I decided to begin working up my own notes for the class, as soon as I'd seen my lab. Feeling giddy with anticipation, I locked up the office and headed up the nearest stairs. When I reached the fifth floor I saw it, a door right in the center of the hallway that looked to have been newly cleaned. Drawing closer I was able to read my own name and title in neat gold lettering on the frosted glass window before I inserted the key and entered my new domain.


	8. Attraction

There is something indescribable about watching a woman lost in contemplation. She is at once vulnerable and impervious, secure in thoughts of her own devising, and utterly alone. I spent countless moments watching Akizuki in the library, and it was in those stolen moments that I grew to care for her. Wandering about one of the busiest museums on the continent I saw many people, but they seemed dabblers, affected only superficially by the art around them. Leaving Bill and Brian to fight their way towards the Vatican frescoes, I struck out on my own, seeking solitude, not solicitude. Walking slowly through the lesser-populated galleries, I was lost in thought, particularly about the musical we were to attend that evening, when my gaze was drawn by darkened gallery that I was in the process of passing.

            Pausing in the doorway it took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim lighting inside, to protect the paintings, no doubt. I was walking farther in, so see why the lighting was so dim, when a flash of white caught my eye. Lifting my head I saw a young woman standing near the center of the room, just outside the puddle of light around a single painting. She was wearing dark pants and a blazer with a crisp white shirt. It was the latter that had caught my attention. Not wanting to disturb her concentration I leaned against the wall and watched her. As my eyes grew accustomed to the gloom I was able to discern her profile.

            I should have been mildly surprised to recognize Elizabeth Fairfax's profile, but I was not. After all the time I'd spent alternately worrying about her and desiring her it was a wonder that I hadn't seen her sooner. She was very deeply involved with the painting she was gazing at. I watched her profile go through confusion, admiration, desire, pride, and satisfaction. I could not see the painting, but she was too interesting for me to interrupt her silent communion. I wanted to know what she was thinking, and what she desired. I had scant hope that she was thinking of me. After some time had passed I caught her lifting her arm. When I saw her hand, illuminated by the painting's light, a faint bluish white, veined like fine marble, I could not help but gasp.

            At the sound she turned to face me. My heart was in my throat as I felt her eyes search my figure. She wore a look of apprehension that tugged at my throat. Surely she wasn't afraid of me? Belatedly I remembered the lighting difference, and that she could not, in all likelihood, see my face. Standing suddenly I bowed, a mute apology for upsetting her, if I had done so, and swiftly walked back to the gallery in which the frescoes were on display. Finding Brian and Bill once more I remained with them in the crowded hall and the afternoon was soon spent. Returning to the hotel we found Yuu and the girls there, already getting ready. 

            "We're back." I called out.

            "Good. The girls were worried that you'd be late. Did you guys get something to eat?" Yuu asked me, from his seat on the sofa.

            "No, can you order something from room service? I'll eat while I change."

            "Sure, how was the museum?"

            "It was full of timeless, poignant beauty. I was moved, on many levels." It was utterly true, if a bit misleading.

            "The frescoes were stunning. I can see why Doris was so interested in them." Brian picked up the conversation and expounded on the topic he'd been so excited about since we left the museum.

"Yuu, what's the musical about?" As Brian fell silent I heard Miki's call from the room she and Meiko shared.

"I've heard many good things about it, and not just because Jinny's mother is the director. It's about a young woman who is torn between love and responsibility, the latter to her teacher, the elusive ghost of the opera house, and the former to a young man she grew up with."

"It all comes down to love, doesn't it?" I asked myself softly, not intending for the other men in the room to hear me. Bill, however, did. Slinging an arm over my shoulder we walked together into the room I was staying in.

"It's really all that matters, in the end, I think. No matter how much you try to pretend, or how much you wish things were otherwise, eventually it all does come down to love." His voice softened on the last bit, and I looked up at him. The gleam in his eyes told me more than his words, and I silently grasped his hand, understanding, is not really agreeing at the moment. I had seen what love could do, but even with Akizuki, I don't think I'd ever felt something that compelling. Ah well, that is what art is for, is it not?

Shaking off Bill's arm I nodded to him and began to dress for the evening's activity. I had been planning on wearing my black suit, and was surprised to find the coat missing. Shaking my head, I remembered that I had yet to retrieve it from Elizabeth. I grinned and dressed in the other suit I'd brought, a navy blue one, eschewing a shirt and tie for a simple turtleneck. My dinner arrived shortly after that, and I ate while Miki and Meiko put the final touches on their toilette. It was in a rush that we all descended to the lobby and climbed into a pair of taxis, heading over to Yuu's dorm. Happily, though, we arrived precisely when we'd said we would. Jinny and Doris were already waiting in the front room. As we walked in I caught the phrase "Metropolitan Museum" on the lips of one of the women, and immediately walked over to join them.

"The jewelry was just fabulous." Jinny was gushing. "I couldn't believe the other two didn't want to spend more time there."

"Did you go this afternoon?" I queried

"Yes, I really wanted to see the Vatican frescoes, but it was simply too crowded. I think we're going to return in the middle of the week when fewer tourists are there." Doris answered me.

"I don't know if I'll go back. Elizabeth's story frightened me a little. I'm not going to be walking alone in that place for a while." Jinny gave a delicate shudder and hugged Bill's arm.

"Elizabeth's story?" I asked Doris.

"She said that someone had been watching her in a dark gallery, and that he vanished. I didn't want to say anything, but I think she may have let her imagination run away with her."

"Why do you say that?" I was curious, especially that Doris thought I had been a figment.

"She was shaking like a leaf when I saw her, and Jinny said she was talking about Hades and demons. Perhaps she's still more ill than we'd thought." Her words sent a stab of guilt through my midsection.

"If she went with you two do you think she'd like to come along this evening? Jinny was saying that the show hadn't even come close to selling out." I asked, surprised at my own desire to see Elizabeth again, this time to reassure her.

"Actually, she said she had plans this evening." Doris tried to remember, but shrugged. "She didn't say what she was doing."

"Is everything all right with Miss Fairfax?" Akizuki walked up to us and asked.

"Why do you ask?" Jinny countered.

"I just saw her coming down the stairs, rather quickly. She was dressed in a pretty formal dress, and I thought she'd been asked to join us. Why I started to go ask her she just looked at her watch and smiled at me, then left out the back door. She looked a little pale, but she was moving pretty quickly."

"No, we knew she had plans, but she didn't mention anything to us. Maybe she has a date." Yuu scoffed at Jinny's suggestion, rejoining the conversation with Miki on his arm.

"I don't think that's very plausible. The poor girl's been sick for more than a week. You all saw how ill she was after dinner on Friday. No one in his right mind would ask her to come out while she's still ill. There has to be another explanation." My own opinion was cut short but Akizuki's gentle hand on my arm. Drawing me aside, she spoke softly.

"You're upset. I can see it in your eyes. I'm sure she'll be fine. She looked relatively healthy to me."

But she was so lost in the museum. I wanted to cry out. Instead, I tempered my words. "You of all people should know how I feel about smart, pretty girls that I think might be in trouble." She had the decency to blush then, and we left with the rest of the group, proceeding to a lavish theater where we enjoyed Andrew Lloyd Weber's musical.

As the play wore on I was shocked to find myself identifying with Christine's young suitor. The thought puzzled me until I realized, suddenly, that my heart was being slowly drawn to an inexplicably driven young woman. When the realization struck I reeled slightly. I had known I was attracted to her, but over the past few days she'd become a puzzle, more so even than Akizuki had presented. Only time would tell if this seed would take root, but I found myself not adverse at all to the idea of falling in love with her.

While returning to Yuu's dorm after the performance, Brian turned on the radio. The familiar voice of the campus night DJ filled the vehicle.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, it is approaching eleven o'clock this fine evening, and it looks like we have a caller. Good evening, thanks for calling Joel's nightly ramble and rant, how may I serve you?"

"Good evening." The reply was delivered by a female voice that sounded roughened by tears. I was surprised when Joel greeted her as his mystery lady. As the conversation wore on her voice gradually improved, but her anguish was clear.

"Poor girl." Bill remarked quietly.

"She seems very troubled." Akizuki replied in a knowing voice. "Sometimes it's hardest to know that something is coming, but not be able to anticipate or avoid it."

I listened not to the caller, but to Joel's replies. I was nearly certain that he'd fallen partially in love with his caller. And the wistfulness in his voice seemed to confirm it. When her soft 'good night' was followed by a horrible series of wracking coughs he forgot himself, calling out her alias as if they were not on the air.

"Tsutami, are you all right? For the love of God, please answer me. Tell me you're fine. Please." His cries were met only with a cessation of the coughs, and the gentle click of the receiver being replaced.

"He loves her." I remarked to the car in general. "I can only hope to spare him the pain of an unrequited love." With a knowing smile at Akizuki I fell silent, thinking of Joel, of his caller, and of the look on Elizabeth's face when she'd turned toward me, thinking I was a demon. The last filled me with remorse. I should have approached her, but I had not had the courage.

Sleep came only fitfully, and at dawn I finally rose and stood on the balcony of my suite, wondering what I should do next.

For that day at least, I had little choice. My father had called some of his business associates in the area, and made appointments for Yuu and myself. Ostensibly the appointments were for me to communicate for my father key information on projects, but I knew my father had wanted to identify Yuu as his protégé. By doing so Yuu's employment opportunities would increase drastically, but it would also increase the pressure on him to excel. Late that afternoon, after going to six different firms Yuu and I finally stopped a sidewalk café for coffee and a break.

"Wow, when your father said that he'd help me I never expected anything like this. It's incredible."

"He likes to help aspiring architects. He received a lot of help from his mentor when he was young, and it suits him to pass the tradition along. When I decided to study business he did much the same, sending me around to all the men who'd commissioned building from him. It's his favorite way of showing affection." Yuu stirred his coffee thoughtfully.   

 "I'm almost surprised though, that he'd do this for me after my ulterior motive for meeting him." 

"Don't be." The vehemence of my voice startled him. "In the first place my father never offers his support unless he sees talent or promise in the individual. Secondly, the no matter why you wanted to meet him, you did, and he's acting on that. Truthfully, I think he's ashamed that he might have done anything to suggest that he was your father, and he trying to make amends in some way. Most importantly, though, just like I'd have liked to have a brother like you, I think that he would have liked to have a son like you." 

"Thank you." His response was simple and heartfelt, and no further talk was needed. 

"All right, now that we've successfully begun your career, what's on the agenda for tonight?"

"Well, Miki and Meiko are going to a concert with Jinny and Doris, and then going out to visit a nightclub. That leaves us all to ourselves." 

"Well, I guess that makes our decision easier. Let's go find an arcade."

It turns out there was one, over by the campus, with a convenient pizzeria next door. The next several hours were spent in friendly competition, while we both tried valiantly to play video games and eat enough pizza to sate an army of twelve-year olds. For a time we were both free of expectations and responsibilities, acting like the brothers we'd once thought ourselves to be. It was just short of nine when we decided to hang up our joysticks and hail a cab. The time was not wholly coincidental on my part. When we hailed a taxi and told the driver our destination my first action was to request that the radio station be tuned to the campus one. Just as the radio was turned up a fanfare announced the DJ.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." Surprisingly enough, this was delivered by the voice I could now recognize as Tsutami, once again clipped and precise. "You are listening to MSAC, your campus station, hosted tonight by the fabulous Joel and his amazing foreign correspondent, coming to you direct from a phone booth located at a well-lit street corner whose street signs are lamentably absent."

"For everyone just tuning in, I wish you all a good Monday, or a good riddance to Monday, as the case may be. I'm here tonight with Tsutami, who will be put on the studio payroll as soon as she turns in an application. Speaking of, m'dear, we do need a telephone number to reach you at, in case of emergency." Joel picked up the thread smoothly.

"Terribly sorry Joel, I'm afraid someone's stolen the plaque off of this phone. I have no idea what the number is." The woman sounded amused. "Furthermore, I didn't know you were trying to pay me to be your friend."

 "That's not it, really. If you don't need a job here, then perhaps you'll favor us with a rare thing, a fact about you, and tell us where you do work." Joel's voice held just a hint of strain, buried within the joviality. When the woman sighed I heard her voice soften, losing its clipped nature and confusing her accent once again.

"Please don't Joel. We can talk about anything, anything at all, just not me. Is that a great deal to ask?"

"But you're breaking the pattern. Mysterious figures belong in books, or films."

"Or museums?" she prompted.

"Yes, safely hidden away where people can puzzle about them at their leisure. You are causing a great deal of speculation to run rampant as to your identity. It's not good for the blood pressure." I wasn't sure if his pontification was genuine or feigned, but I was now firmly convinced that he cared a great deal for this woman, and that she was either utterly unaware of it, or was merely pretending innocence. The second thought was unpalatable to me. I would prefer that she be a pure intellectual, not just toying with a man's emotions. I was a bit puzzled, however, as to why I found myself caring. 

"Can you honestly say that it doesn't thrill you to know that almost any woman you walk by might be me? Perhaps you walk a little straighter, hoping that I'm watching, even if you don't know it? Mystery breeds romance, my darling, and that's why we all cling to it. Heaven only knows you shall never understand women, not even one of us, so what does it matter if you know my name?"

"I think you're hitting below the belt again."

"I beg your pardon. All right, change of topic. These blasted, thrice cursed streets." Her voice suddenly regained its customary crispness.

"What?" Joel was obviously confused.

"Everywhere I've tried to run tonight has been completely covered by traffic. I'm sick to death of motorists thinking that they own the sidewalks too."

"Traffic hasn't been heavy at all since about seven though. How long have you been out running?"

"A while, I suppose." Her voice was nonchalant.

"Tsutami." Joel exploded. "You admitted yourself that you had pneumonia last week. You were in quite an emotional state last night, and I could barely recognize your voice. Now you tell me that you're trying to run yourself to death again. What in the name of all that is good and holy on this earth do you think you're doing to yourself?"

"Keeping sane." Her reply seemed to echo after his outburst. "Might I make my request now."

"Only if you'll give your word to go home now." 

"Done. Can you play _She's Like the Wind_, sung by Patrick Swayze."

"I suppose this is another one of your hints."

"Sorry to disappoint, but I really do just want to hear it right now. Until tomorrow then." A slight lilt crept into her voice and I leaned forward, hoping to hear more, but was met by only a dial tone. As we continued back to Chidester Hall, where Yuu lived, one line from the song haunted me. "Just a fool to believe I am anything she needs." The image of Elizabeth delivering her tour of campus mocked me. She was obviously self sufficient. Why did I feel something within her crying out to me? What was making me want to protect her from the brutal blows of her own dedication? Shaking my head, I repeated the line as the song ended, hearing Joel mumble the same thing on the air. 

"Just a fool."

"Do you want to just sleep here? Bill can sleep in Brian's extra bed, and you wouldn't have to go all the way over to the hotel." Yuu offered, interrupting my reverie.

"I'd like that." We both climbed wearily up the stairs.

"Oh, I'd almost forgotten. Miki wouldn't be happy."

"What?"

"I promised her I'd ask Elizabeth to have dinner with us tomorrow. I think there might be an ulterior motive, but she won't tell me. All she did was giggle. I don't want to bother her though." We continued up to his room in silence, while he contemplated his options. Upon our arrival he sat down at his desk and penned a quick note, then folded it and handed it to me. "Could you just run over and slip this under her door? Bill and I will get everything ready for bed."

I walked down the hall and paused before a familiar door. She'd put up a nameplate, just a simple engraved sign with "E. Fairfax" in simple block letters. The lights were out and I heard no movement from within, so I contented myself with the thought that she was already in bed and slipped the note under the door. As I returned to Yuu's room I thought I heard the front door close, but when I stopped there was no further noise, and I decided I was merely overly tired. Acting accordingly when I arrived in Yuu's room I collapsed almost immediately onto Bill's bed, made hastily with fresh sheets, and was asleep in less time than it had taken me to disrobe. 

The next morning dawned crisp and early. I was awoken by Bill's searching in his closet for some piece of apparel.

"Sorry." He apologized sotto voce. 

"It's all right. I'll just head down and have breakfast."

"Good idea. There are bowls in the upper cabinet, and cereal is to the left of the door."

"Thanks." Pulling on my pants from the previous night and a shirt of Yuu's that he'd left out yesterday I headed downstairs to the kitchen. Once down there I realized that the kitchen had no less than three doors, and while I checked to the left of each, no cereal was to be found. Bowls also proved a precious and rare commodity. After nearly quarter of an hour of fruitless searching I was reduced to staring into the refrigerator, contemplating the feasibility of mysterious foam boxes containing breakfast food. 

A large thump startled me. Peering over the edge of the open refrigerator door I saw that I had been joined in the kitchen by Elizabeth, as well as her formidable book bag. I watched as she went unerringly to a cabinet and pulled out a bowl, and, bending slightly, also produced a box of cereal.

"Excuse me." My voice had been unexpected and caused her to jump a bit "Could I trouble you to retrieve a bowl for me as well? Bill tried to give me directions, but the little beasts seem too wily for me this morning."

"Certainly." Suiting action to word she handed me a bowl, then stepped next to me in front of the open refrigerator and reached past my torso for the milk that I had missed, having been hiding behind the take-out containers. Her nearness gave me a hint of a gentle lilac scent, which stirred the beginnings of arousal deep within me. "You startled me. I wasn't expecting to meet anyone down here. Did you spend the night?"

"Yes. Yuu and I were out all day, and when we finally got back it was too late to go to the hotel. We're in a suite, and I didn't want to risk waking anyone up." I attempted to squelch my budding desire by preparing my own breakfast.

"That's kind of you. I had a roommate like that once, but she learned pretty quickly that I can sleep through almost anything. It's one of the perks of sleep deprivation." In between her words she was eating neatly, but rapidly.

"You seem to be in a bit of a rush. I thought classes didn't start until next week."

"I'm going over to set up my lab this morning. I need to get some of my experiments running again. If I don't start now, then I might not ever get the time."            

"Are they making you bring your own chemicals?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"I heard you drop your bag when you came in. That thing must weight more than you do." 

"Oh, that's not for the lab. I'm teaching as well, and I don't like the assigned book, so I'm putting all my old texts in my office. That way I can refer to them when I'm trying to write my lectures."

"Did you have to take this class several times? You have an awful lot of books there."

"Certainly not." Her eyes flashed indignantly, and I couldn't help it. I began to chuckle.

"I beg your pardon, Miss Fairfax, honestly I do. I meant no offense. I've just been trying to imagine you carrying that enormous thing, and it seems to violate the laws of physics." Her eyes relaxed.

"You're not the first. Luckily, if I carry them over now, I shan't have to move them until the end of my teaching stint. The exercise is good for me though. It helps ensure that my shoulder muscles are big enough to hold up my head." As she stood and cleaned her bowl and spoon off I was entranced by this playful facet of her personality that I'd discovered. So delighted was I that I almost missed her departure.

"Wait." She paused in the doorway, her shoulders squared underneath their burden. "Please, allow me to help you." Her eyes were a bit sad, I thought, as she replied.

"No, thank you. I can't accept." Turning quickly, I heard her walk to the front door, open it, and shut it firmly behind herself.

"Why can't you?" I whispered to the empty air. Why was she so determined to not only do something, but to refuse help? Was there someone she was involved with? I could barely give credence to the thought, but something was holding her back. Thinking along those lines I was suddenly reminded of Yuu's note from the night before, and cursed myself for not getting an answer from her. 

            Not too much time passed before Yuu joined me in the kitchen, and before he'd finished eating the rest of our informal group descended en masse. As we were swept out the door I gathered that we'd be visiting Coney Island that day. As with other tours we'd gone on, Akizuki and I walked close by each other, watching the others' reactions to the sights and sounds of the old amusement park. I think I may have been even more distant than usual, but Akizuki didn't press the point. I'm glad she chose not to, it would not have been comfortable for me to admit that I was merely biding my time until we could return and collect Elizabeth for dinner. Of course, she hadn't actually agreed, but I took her acceptance for granted. She had to eat, after all.

            It was very close to dinnertime when we finally returned to Chidester. Somewhere along the way the decision had been made to order takeout and spend the evening watching American television. 

            "Yuu, did you ask Elizabeth to come eat with us?" Miki asked him, fairly dancing with impatience when Elizabeth was nowhere to be found in the common rooms.

            "I slipped a note under her door last night, but we haven't heard back from her."

            "Well, I'll just go upstairs and get her." Miki ran out of the room and the light patter of her feet was heard on the stairs. In a few moments she returned, holding a small piece of paper in her hands. She handed it to Yuu. "Can you read this? My English needs a little work." Yuu complied, reading the note out loud:

            _"Yuu,_

_                        Thank you for the invitation. I'd love to join you for dinner, but I will be working in my lab all day. If it's not too much trouble could you call me when you're ready to eat? My number's 478-2311. I understand if it doesn't work well with your plans. If so, I'll just grab something when I get finished. Thanks!_

_            ~Elizabeth_"

            "We need to call her; left to herself I think she'll stay up there forever." Surprisingly, this came from Bill. 

            "I'll do it." Doris offered to make the call. I heard her in the next room, cheerfully talking to Elizabeth.

"Hi, are you ready for dinner?"

"We're ordering pizza, I think. I hope it's not a problem."

"No, don't wait, you should come over now."

 After she concluded her call Yuu ordered pizza and the rest of us began perusing the television listings. We still hadn't come to a decision when a knock sounded at the door. A young man stood in the doorway, nearly concealed by vast quantity of pizza. Standing in the doorway behind him was a tired looking Elizabeth, surveying the chaos of eight people, a half dozen pizza boxes, and possibly three copies of the same newspaper strewn about the room Elizabeth looked like she either wanted to cry or run. I caught her eye before she did either, and she gave a little half-smile.

            "How about just watching a movie? It looks like there's a Jerry Lewis marathon just starting. Everyone should be able to understand that, it's a comedy." Everyone agreed with Elizabeth, urgent to make a decision of some sort and start eating. Brian and Doris fetched drinks from the kitchen, and we all settled down to watch the movie.

            I was not, to my regret, seated next to Elizabeth. She sat on the floor, balancing her plate on the coffee table next to her. Miki sat next to her, with Yuu on the sofa behind them. I thought to sit next to Yuu, but before I could his classmates crowded around, leaving Meiko and I to share a loveseat. I wasn't as close to Elizabeth as I'd wanted, but I was not so far away that I missed her droll remark.

            "Pizza, beer and TV: the way to a woman's heart." After that she was quiet, watching the movie with everyone else, explaining things when people asked her questions. As far as I could tell the film was about a young incompetent at a studio, whose every effort ended in disaster. It was amusing, but did not require all of my attention. The remainder of that was devoted to Elizabeth. I watched her smile, laugh occasionally, and, when she thought no one was watching, her discrete yawns. It made me think she hadn't left the chemistry building since I'd seen her that morning. I planned on asking her about it, but when the movie ended Jinny turned off the television.

            "Why don't we all play cards? We could have a spades tournament." Everyone seemed thrilled with the idea and began to form groups of four.

            "I think I'll take my leave then." Elizabeth said to Miki.

            "Why?" Miki's question was guileless.   

            "Well, for starters, I'm the odd woman out, and I don't like playing spades, so don't suggest I play as part of a pair. I'm also pretty tired. I was in my lab all day." My suspicions were confirmed, but she left before I had a chance to speak to her. 

            Once card tables had been procured the radio was turned on and we all set about playing cards. Their tournament rules seemed odd, but when Akizuki and I lost I was more than happy to merely watch the others, avoiding thoughts of the young woman upstairs. Not surprisingly, the radio was tuned to the campus station, and I listened expectantly as I heard the clock tower outside begin to chime nine.

            "Welcome, once again to nine o'clock on MSAU, the place where, at least in recent days, Joel gets humbled by his co-host. Highlights include: Joel getting upbraided for believing in love, Joel getting ignored and hung up on, and the ever popular Joel getting told to bugger off. So, Tsutami, what's on the menu for tonight?"     

            "You make me sound like some sort of harridan." Her voice sounded amused.

            "That's show biz, kid. If it's not dreadful, then no one wants to know about it."

            "Yes, but you've misrepresented me."

            "How so?"

            "I wasn't quibbling so much about love, but about its perception."

            "In my own defense, the perception of a thing leads to its reality, so that, in fact, the way we perceive things is the way that they, in fact, are." Joel sounded like he was warming up. "But I suppose I should give you a bit of time to elucidate exactly what you mean."

            "Thank you ever so much for your kind concession." Her voice was dry. "Romance is the way that people are taught to express their attraction for another. It's a social construct, designed to help validate and control the sexual impulse. Lust is simply base desire. We need it, not just because it's hardwired into our basic brain structure, but also because it is how our species propagates. Attraction is very real, and can happen at a glance."

            "I'm following you thus far, and very intrigued." Joel inserted into one of her pauses. As if she hadn't heard him she continued on.

            "Sometimes it can set the stage for further, and more advanced emotional developments. Lust comes first, then love. I suppose that you can have love without lust, as it develops over time." She was beginning to sound as if she were lecturing, but not in an unpleasant way.

            "All right, but how does this tie into Saturday evening's discussion?"

            "Romance is superfluous. It began as a prelude to the mating act, courtship, for example, but it has become expected, and so entangled with love as to be mistaken for the more genuine emotion. It's as if a symbol, representing something else, is thought to actually be that which it only represents." Passion suffused her voice, I was not the only one affected. Around me I saw cards drop to the table as everyone began listening to her. Several moments went by, before something a bit unexpected happened.

            "Then along comes a woman, there's a change in the way that you're feeling tonight." Elizabeth sang a few lines, then resumed speaking. "Chicago wasn't talking about love. That change is the jolt of lust you feel when, for whatever reason, you lay eyes on someone you're attracted to. The earth isn't moving, you are not suddenly and completely a better person and love is not involved." Her voice dropped, almost like she was talking to herself. Once again I found myself wondering about her accent. I was sure that it was the clue to her identity, but I simply couldn't think how.

            "Hey, are you all right?" Joel sounded worried.

            "Yes, sorry, I think I got a little bit too involved in my own argument. I didn't even give you a chance to reply." A slightly muffled coughing was heard, as if the receiver was being held away while she coughed.

            "I'm sorry too, especially if I let you talk too much. Are you feeling all right? You sounded a bit better." Her reply was huskier than her voice had been before.

            "It's just a bit cooler out here than I thought, I should have probably worn a jacket."

            "I didn't just hear that. You are not outside this late at night. Please don't tell me that you've gone out running again." Only silence greeted him, and he sighed. "Tsutami, go home, before you kill yourself. I'll argue with you tomorrow night, so don't say anything else, just go home. You need to get well before trying to make yourself sick again."

            "Good night then." The soft voice could barely be heard, before she disconnected.

            "That woman is going to drive me to drink." Joel sounded tired. "For lack of a formal request, here's _Then Along Comes a Woman_, by Chicago, for those who didn't recognize Tsutami's little musical brief."

            I was relieved that my own ill lady hadn't left to go out running. I was seated only a dozen or so feet away from the staircase, I would surely have heard her. I did feel empathy for Joel, it's terrible to know that someone you care about is suffering needlessly. I sent a silent thought upstairs to Elizabeth's room, hoping she was tucked warmly into bed, resting and healing. It was then that I noticed the final spades game had ceased. Akizuki had gotten tired, and when Miki saw this she decided that it was time for all of us to return to the hotel. Our plans for tomorrow's trip to Staten Island were checked with everyone, and I was surprised when Doris offered to invite Elizabeth along the next morning.

"I'd feel horrible if she worked all day again. She looked pretty worn out today, and with school starting next week she needs all the energy she can get."

When we returned the next morning to collect Yuu and his friends, I was disappointed to see that Elizabeth wasn't with them. 

"Yuu, is Elizabeth not coming?" Miki asked before I could.

"Doris and Jinny were up late, and they walked by her room and heard her coughing pretty badly. They decided to turn off her alarm clock, so I wouldn't be surprised if she was still asleep." Yuu sounded a bit concerned.

"It sounded like her lungs were almost completely congested." Doris offered. "She must have gotten sick again last night."

"Let's go check on her. Meiko, please?" When Miki pleaded with her all Akizuki could do was acquiesce gracefully. My anxiety rose as I watched the pair disappear up the staircase.


	9. Distraction

The next morning I was woken by a tapping on my door. Calling out a groggy "Come in" I glanced at the clock. It was ten o'clock in the morning! I hadn't slept this late in years. While I castigated myself the door opened and Meiko and Miki stepped inside.

"We were just checking to see if you wanted to go with us." Meiko said, smiling a bit, "Looks like you weren't planning on it." 

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me. I haven't slept past 7 in a very long time, wonder why my alarm clock didn't go off. I thought I told everyone last night that I couldn't come along, but it might have slipped my mind. I have some things to look over that I really need to do before classes start on Monday." They had told me about their sightseeing plans for the day last night, during several sequential commercial breaks.

"Why don't you come down and say hi?" Miki ventured. "Yuu was hoping you'd come, he loves Staten Island."

"Okay, but it'll have to be in my pajamas." Miki and Meiko exchanged a glance, said a few words in Japanese and grinned. Meiko explained:

"I'm sure no one will mind. Miwa-san might even stop worrying about you then. He's been distracted all morning because you hadn't been heard from." Grinning back at them, I got out of bed. As I dug my robe and slippers out of my preternaturally tidy closet my body betrayed me. I coughed nearly the entire time, trying vainly to clear my lungs and throat of the accumulated phlegm that had crept up on me in my sleep. Miki looked concerned.

"Maybe it's good that we leave you here." I couldn't fault her for that, I sounded dreadful. Brushing my teeth and hair, and putting on my robe I presented myself for their inspection.

"Do I look like an invalid?" I asked, only half joking.

"Well, maybe," Meiko replied, "but after all, you did just get out of bed. I don't think anything will mind. You certainly look more awake than Miki did this morning." With Miki mock glaring at Meiko we all left the room and headed downstairs. 

Nearly every student that I knew from St. Andrew's was standing in the foyer, ready or almost ready to go out. Jinny and Doris were joining this expedition and everyone looked happy.

"You're not coming with us?" Doris asked, a bit disappointedly? "Yuu loves to show off his New York."

"Satoshi will be heart-broken." Jinny chimed in. Before I could ask her where her certainly came from, Yuu continued.

"She's sick, remember?" He gently reminded the women.

"It looks like she's just gotten out of bed. Did you two wake her?" Brian asked Miki and Meiko.

As Miki tried to reply to Brian in Japanese I felt warm breath in my ear.

"She's explaining that they just knocked on your door, that it must have been just enough to wake you up, but that you must have had plenty of sleep already because otherwise you would still be upstairs." Satoshi had walked up behind me and was translating Miki's quick speech. I was grateful, even when Yuu began to translate for his friend. Satoshi's nearness made me feel safe, for a reason I chose not to analyze. I turned around to face him.

"Do you always sneak up on young women?"

"Only when I've left my suit jacket in their room."

"Oh dear, I'd forgotten you loaned it to me on Friday. Let me just run upstairs and,"

"Don't worry about it, I'll get it tonight, I'd like to talk to you for a moment. It's a shame you aren't coming."

"I've got some work to go over today, but don't worry, I'll take it easy."

"I'd expect nothing less from you."

"Expectations already, I thought this was just a harmless flirtation." He had no reply for that. I was more than a little confused. From what Meiko and Miki had told me I knew he was playful. He'd proven it to me by teasing me in the kitchen yesterday, or so I thought.  Had I interpreted him incorrectly? Oh dear.

"Miwa-san! We're leaving. Don't worry, we'll be home in time for you to tuck her in again!" Miki called through the door. Everyone else had already left. 

Satoshi bowed slightly to me and walked off without a second glance. What did I say wrong? 

"I can't dwell on this right now." I said to the world in general. Turning firmly I walked back up the stairs to my bedroom, intending to work out my chemistry lectures and then turn to contemplating the enigmatic Satoshi. It had been a long time since I had needed to worry about a man's feelings, and even longer since I'd had to deal with my own.

Once upstairs I sat down and pulled out my copy of the assigned chemistry book, which I still loathed. As I did so another text caught my eye, the same one that had fallen on me the day I'd been so weak as to faint. The work that had so engrossed me yesterday failed to capture me, and I struggled with it. Even switching to my own reviews of analytical techniques did nothing to improve my concentration. Nothing came easy, not the concepts, not the examples. It all seemed oddly foreign. Foreign! I'd done nothing but eat and sleep these formulae and chemicals for years now, and nothing seemed to be the way it should. 

"Some instructor you'll make in this state. You'd best get your thoughts in order before they ship you back to Texas."

I couldn't stop thinking about Satoshi, and the look on his face. Friday night Meiko had told me about her own experience with him, how he'd gone after her for her beauty and because she was vulnerable, because of her rejected love for Namura.

"He's a good man Elizabeth, but he can appear to be very superficial at the wrong times. Joking and teasing come naturally to him, and sometimes girls make too much of it. I don't want to see him hurt." 

At the time I thought she was warning me off, because he just thought of me as a wounded bird, so to speak, and would lose interest as soon as I was no longer in imminent need of his immediate aid. I couldn't really blame her; she'd told me herself that Satoshi was attracted to beautiful women. She was a prime example of that. I didn't compare, even slightly.

Hell, even taking into account different racial phenotypes and preferences I couldn't compare to Meiko in any way but in an inferior fashion. I was right to take his actions the way I did. I've gone this long without being hurt, without being affected in matters of the heart, I can damn well continue in that vein. My work allows for no distraction. I have too much at stake.

I slammed my fist down on the desk. I don't have time for this. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was noon. If I ignored everything but my work for two hours I would be able to go out for a run then, to sort things out and make sense of everything.

Pushing all the mental gibberish about Satoshi aside, I set to my work with renewed vigor. My forced attention to my books served me well, I was productive, if not exactly brilliant, and when I looked up it was already after four.

With a sigh I stood up and stretched. Now that my preparations were largely in order it was time to organize everything else, and the best way I knew to do that would be to go out running. I'd always found it relaxing, and the mindless monotony of my body freed my mind and my heart to ponder and arrive at conclusions. It had worked in the past, and, though I had no idea of where I should go, even getting lost would afford some relief.

Changing clothes quickly I chose my warmer track suit, the navy blue one. I wasn't really worried about visibility, even in the mild rain that had been falling off and on all day; it was the middle of the afternoon. I wasn't planning on staying out until dusk, let alone full dark. I jotted a quick note on a piece of paper explaining that I was out running, that I needed time to think, and not to worry, then taped it on my door. As late as yesterday I wouldn't have even thought about leaving any indication as to where I was or where I was going, but I didn't want anyone to worry, especially not Satoshi.

Once I was outside my muscles fell into their old familiar stretching routine, and as I headed down the road I felt my mind loosen. It felt good. Everything would be worked out today, I'd just have to give it time, and sweat.


	10. Interminable Night

I love sightseeing with Miki. She was so excited about being in love and with Yuu and going out and seeing a new city. Her enthusiasm was contagious. Even though I'd been there before, with my father on business, everything was a little bit more wondrous when I saw it through Miki's eyes. It was an utterly exhausting day. We didn't return to the dormitory until after six, and we did so primarily so I could liberate Elizabeth from her books and bring her to dinner with us.

I left the cab before it came to a complete stop, leaving Yuu to settle things, and headed straight upstairs to Elizabeth's door. I frowned when I saw the piece of paper taped up, and moved closer to read it.

_Needed to work some things out. Gone out running. Please don't worry; I should be back soon._

_                                                            ~Elizabeth_

            There was no time on the note, no indication of when she'd be back or even when she left. Taking the note off the door, I went to share it with the group congregated in the living room, trying to avoid a growing feeling of unease. Just as I walked into the living room everyone turned to me expectantly.

            "Is she getting ready?" Doris asked.

            "I hope she wears a skirt." Brian said, "If we go out with five women in skirts I'll die a happy man." He grinned at Doris, as if to reassure her that regardless of what he said, he'd only have eyes for her.

Only Yuu noticed something was wrong.

"Satoshi, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

"What's that in your hand?" Miki ventured.

"She's out running. She said not to worry." Meiko glanced out the window as I said it, the weather, which had been drizzly and chilly all day, had taken a turn for the worse. The wind had picked up; the clouds had thickened and it was raining significantly.

I groaned. When would she be home? Was she outside in this? Was she somewhere warm? Why had she done this? She was sick. I started pacing.

"Miwa-san, maybe we should go to dinner now and then see if she's here when we come back." Miki was trying to be cheerful, in counterpoint to my rising anxiety.

"No! I want to be here when she gets back, or if she needs me."

"Satoshi, we'll go out and get dinner, if you want to wait here we can bring you something back." Jin looked at me in an assessing fashion. "She's a smart girl, don't worry too much, okay?" As they left Jinny turned on the radio.

"This is the campus station, it'll give you some noise to distract you, and maybe you can call and talk to the DJ later. He knows a lot, might be able to help you." Trailing off she followed everyone else out the door. I walked over to the window and watched the driveway, prepared for however long a vigil it would take. As I sat and watched the false dusk brought on by the rain turned to true dusk, and then to twilight. 

I couldn't stop my thoughts from tending to the worst. I had images of Elizabeth fainting on a dark street somewhere; of her running, then stopping to double over and cough. Each minute that passed without sign of her conjured up a more horrendous vision in my mind.

The porch seemed like a logical place to be at the time. I suppose I thought I'd be closer to her if I too were outside, braving the elements, and so I sat outside on the steps of the dormitory, willing her to come safely back home, and to me. The urgency of this impulse frightened me, hadn't she implied only this morning that I meant nothing to her? But that didn't fit with the look I saw in her eyes at times, like I were her last hope of salvation. Why couldn't I ever be interested in a nice average girl? Grinning ruefully, I continued to sit outside, not in the rain, but in the chill wind.

I don't know how much time I spent out there, only that the passing moments failed to yield to me the object of my desire. I was still out there when everyone came back from dinner.

"Satoshi! What are you doing out here?" Akizuki was surprised to find me outside, then realization hit her, "She's not back yet, is she? You getting yourself sick isn't going to help her any."

"Miwa-san, you should come inside and eat. We couldn't decide what you would like, so we all ordered you something." Miki's words unsettled me, looking at her and Yuu, as well as Doris and Jinny I saw that each of them held a take-out container; presumably each also contained a part of my dinner. It wasn't sensible, but from the apologetic look on Yuu's face I supposed it was about par for the course with those four. It did give me a humorous moment, in which I could forget my worry.

Going inside with the group I took Doris's proffered container and settled down on the windowsill to eat, while watching the window. This time rather than merely looking for a sign of her, my thoughts turned inward, and I brooded.

"Have I offended her? Her face fell this morning when I was stunned about her casual flirtation remark. Was she just teasing me? I don't remember the last time a girl teased me. Maybe I'm the one assuming too much. Maybe she is seeing someone, back at her old school, or maybe that's why she left, a broken heart. I don't think that's the case though, when Meiko thought she'd lost Namura-sensei it seemed like she thought a part of her was missing, and that happiness was no longer possible. Elizabeth doesn't seem like anything is lost, she seems like she's out of touch with anything that isn't important right now. No, she just seems exhausted, like it's her responsibility to keep the world spinning in the sky and to make sure others can be happy. Her own happiness isn't important. Maybe she thinks it would distract her. Is that it?"

"Let's play a board game." Bill suggested.

"What?" Miki asked

"I was thinking something that wouldn't put anyone at a disadvantage. Trivia and word games would be a bad choice." He continued, walking over to a cabinet that stood in the corner. "How about chess? Anyone care to join me?" When no one volunteered Brian walked over and began to help Bill set up the board.

While they began to play Miki and Meiko started talking to Doris and Jinny about school subjects, boyfriend troubles and clothes. 

Yuu turned up the radio enough to cover a quiet conversation and walked over to me. As unfamiliar music flooded the room he, the man who had confided in me about his fears that his soul mate no longer loved him, sat on the windowsill next to me.

"Satoshi, what's going on? Does Elizabeth mean something to you?"

"She does, I can't explain it, but I want to do the impossible for her. I want to help her cry and make her smile, and I've only known her for a short time. It just feels…"

"Right?"

"Yes, it feels right. Being with her feels right."

"Let me guess, you're not sure how she feels about you."

"No, I'm not, and I'm worried I overreacted to something she said this morning and that, that it's my fault she's out there, in this." My voice broke and I could neither continue nor meet Yuu's concerned eyes. Staring out into what had become a steady downpour, I felt tears forming.

A startled sound from Miki broke the tension in the room. Yuu rushed over to her.

"What is it Miki?"

"On the radio." She pointed to the item in question and drew my attention. Immediately I knew what she had noticed: Elizabeth's voice was unmistakable, especially after hearing her husky from sleep and congestion this morning. I had never heard her voice so accented. She sounded like she could have just come from herding cows. I was suddenly afraid about what I would learn regarding her current condition. She didn't strike me as the type to call radio shows.

Yuu turned the radio louder without being asked. We all sat in silence and listened to the DJ, hoping for an explanation.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Sorry about the delay in our normal programming. I was getting an explanation from our regularly scheduled impromptu guest host as to why she was late this evening. I'd recount it, but I think you'd rather hear it from her. Tsutami?" I couldn't believe it when he called Elizabeth "Tsutami." In fact, I refused to put stock in it, he'd obviously made a mistake.

"Sorry Joel, and everyone else, I beg forgiveness. It was a bit hard to find a phone." It was unmistakably Elizabeth, but while she sounded a great deal more hoarse than she had earlier this morning, at the same time I could hear the briskness that I'd come to associate with the mystery caller creep into her exhausted voice. Clearing her throat she continued, "I was away from my desk and lost track of time, I'm flattered that you missed me."

"Of course, no one else has the temerity to call in every night at the same time, and to be so marvelously wittily bitter. What's your topic for this evening, if I may ask?"

"Actually, I need to ask a favor."

"Name it milady, and if it's in my power to grant it, than grant it I shall."

"Forgive me for not continuing our debate tonight and play Beethoven's _Pathique Sonata_ for me."

"Tsutami, I can forgive the speaking obligation easily, you sound like you're getting sick again and I want you to get well enough to lambaste me properly. Why do want a Beethoven piano sonata? And why that one in particular, it's twenty minutes long."

"Joel, please, I feel pathetic right now and minor."

"Did you loan out a book again and feel like it was cheating on you?" He chuckled, and Elizabeth let out a soft giggle, but when she spoke it was in a somber tone.

"No Joel, it wasn't a book, but I think I've worked through it and I can deal with him now."

"Him? Tsutami, what are you saying?" Joel's voice was in earnest now; as if he'd forgotten they were on the air. My response was mixed. I knew that Joel was upset, because he had come to care so greatly for this woman, but at the same time I felt guilt rise at the thought that I was the reason she was out in this weather. Hope budded as well, at the thought that she felt something for me.

"Not now, I beg you. Can you play the Beethoven for me?" She sounded tired.

"Yes, of course, why it is so important."

"It's going to get me home tonight?"

"You're not out in this, are you? Tell me you're not out running in this weather."

"You know what, my friend?" her voice had a lilt to it now, as if she were pleased.

"What?" Joel replied warily.

"If you're going to broadcast without a shirt on, you really should close the blinds." In Joel's moment of surprise the dial tone was striking, as was the scrape of a chair. The thud of a fist hitting glass was not disguised at all. After a slight pause Joel's breathing was heard, followed by his voice.

"My fellow listeners, I do believe that, though I have still not met her, I have at least seen our elusive lady Tsutami. Granted, it was only for a moment, in the pouring rain, as she passed under a streetlight, but she exists. I know you can hear me m'dear, so I'll play your song. I hope it works out with him. Godspeed milady." Immediately after his quiet invocation he cut to the opening of a piano sonata.

"What do I do?" I asked the room in general, "That had to have been Elizabeth, and she's out there, somewhere, in the pouring rain."

"I think I have the number to the radio station upstairs, we could call them and ask where their building is. Then we'd know the most likely route she'd be on and be able to maybe go intercept her." Doris left the room at a run, heading upstairs.

As we waited for her to return Yuu looked at me with concern. He was on the verge of speaking when Doris returned. 

"Got it! Would you like me to dial for you Satoshi?" 

"Please." When she had finished she handed me the phone. After a few moments I heard the unmistakable sound of a busy signal.

"It's busy. Is that normal?" 

Yuu spoke up, "Tsutami has been calling every evening for two weeks now; I've heard some of her and Joel's conversations and arguments. She's a popular person now, that's why Joel was worried when she called late. I think other listeners may be worried about her, or wanting to learn who she is, and are calling Joel to ask him about it."

"All these people care about Tsutami and no one who lived with her even knew her name." I walked back over to the window, nearly ready to go outside and start running, wholly on instinct, in the vague hope that it would bring me nearer to her.

Minutes passed, the strains of Beethoven filled the room. I think Doris kept dialing the phone number, but didn't seem to connect. The rain poured down with increasing hardness. I could barely see to the gate. How was she getting anywhere in this? Had she taken shelter somewhere? Was she pausing for breath? I glanced at my watch; it had been a scant five minutes since the song had begun. 

"Hello, Joel?" I heard Doris say. Yuu handed me an extension to the main line and I listened to the conversation.

"Yes, this is he, can I help you?"

"I need to know where your studio is located."

"Let me guess, you're worried about Tsutami, right? I'll tell you we're in the Tower just north of campus, but please, just like I've told everyone else, don't go looking for her, I think she needs this. When I saw her she was running like the dogs of hell were nipping at her heels. I've heard her when she was upset, but tonight she seemed desperate. She's so alone right now."

"But I think she lives in the room next to mine, and if you're worried about her being alone then it only makes sense for you to tell me where you think she might be."

"You know, the past ten minutes I've gotten nothing but calls about her. I'm touched, and I'm worried about her too, but I think I've heard every excuse in the book now and I don't want to alarm her by telling people where she was headed and have a cavalcade out looking for her. She can handle herself." I couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"You know she's sick. She's upset, she probably isn't thinking straight. She's been out there since sometime this afternoon. Please, I beg you, can you tell us anything that could help us find her?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm the one who drove her out into the storm, though I didn't intend to, and if you care about her like I know you do than you are as aware as I of the folly of allowing her to be out in this. Pneumonia is serious." He failed to rise to my bait. 

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you anything more. If what you say is true and she lives twenty minutes from here she should be back soon, then you can ask her. I won't risk her safety."

He hung up. It was all I could do to keep from flinging the phone across the room. "You idiot!" I wanted to scream, "You're worried about her safety when you know she's ill. Don't you realize that this could be the death of her? She looked transparent this morning." 

The dance-like opening of the third movement dissolved into somber chords, echoing my mood. Turning back toward the window I stared blankly outside, lost in my thoughts.

I almost didn't hear the door opening. Almost. Pivoting swiftly I saw Elizabeth slip inside, sopping wet and looking exhausted. Her cough echoed in the entryway. I ran to her, but wasn't fast enough, she dropped to her knees and coughed like she had nearly drowned. I knelt in front of her and grasped her shoulders.

"Where have you been?"

"Running."

"Why?"

"Had to think"

"About what?"

I didn't get a reply because she started coughing again.

"What is so important that you have to go out running, in the pouring rain, for countless hours, to think about it? Didn't it occur to you that you're ill? This could complicate it and put your life in danger. Would it have been so bad to wait and talk to someone, or to wait until someone came back to go with you? You didn't even leave a time you'd left, or a route. Not to mention the fact that you're dressed completely in black. For all we know you had left just after us and had died on the street. Do you know what it feels like to think the person you're falling in love with has died? Can you imagine what it feels like to know it's your fault that she's out there; possibly in pain and that you can't help her? It's like my heart had been ripped out." She looked at me in a puzzled fashion.

"You're that important." In the instant before she fainted against my chest I realized that only my first sentence had been in English, for the rest I had been too upset to use anything but my native tongue. I was absurdly thankful that she hadn't understood my confession. I hadn't been thinking at all, merely acting on my gut instincts as I raged at my impotence when it came to protecting her from herself.

She was soaking wet, I could feel moisture seeping through my shirt as I supported her. It jolted me back to my surroundings and to the insistent urge I had to protect this girl. Meiko walked over to me.

"If you can get her upstairs Miki and I will get her into dry clothes."

"Yes." Without another word I stood, with her in my arms again and walked up the stairs. When we got to her room Miki found a towel and spread it on Elizabeth's bed. After I had laid her down Meiko shooed me out of the room.

"Please, tell me once she's dry."

"I will Satoshi, but please, don't worry, I think she's just tired right now." Meiko was trying to be hopeful, but I saw a glimmer of worry in her eyes. She shut the door.

As I waited outside the door Jinny and Bill came upstairs. 

"Is she all right?" Jinny asked.

"I don't know. Koishkawa and Akizuki are getting her clothes changed, they won't let me in until that's done."

"I hope this isn't detrimental to her health." Bill said somberly, "From what I've seen she still seemed to be weak." Jinny looked at him in shock.

"How can you say things like that in front of Satoshi? It'll make him worry even more!"

"If something is wrong we need to be prepared for it so we can help her. If everyone pretends she's just fine then she won't get the care she needs and it may end up being more serious than it needs to be."

"He's right." I said softly. "I'm not leaving here until I'm sure she's well, and we've spoken about what I did that confused her."

Miki came out, followed by Meiko.

"She's all changed for bed." Miki told me, "But she's very cold. I'm worried she was outside in the wet for too long. If she were awake she could take a hot bath, but she might drown in it now." I looked at her for a moment.

"Miki, Meiko, I want you to go back to the hotel now. I'm going to stay here and make sure Elizabeth gets warm and doesn't need any medical attention. Ask Yuu to take you if you don't want to go alone. Thank you for your help." Confident that they'd at least consider my directions I entered Elizabeth's room.

She was tucked into bed, and the forest green of her bedding made her look like a figure made out of spun glass. Pulling her chair to her bedside I sat down and stroked her cheek. I drew my hand back in shock.

Miki was right, she felt like ice. I wouldn't have been surprised if the only reason she wasn't coughing was because she was too cold. Smiling sadly at the situation I was in, I realized how I would have to warm her up. Much as I'd thought about going to bed with her, the dangers of hypothermia were sufficient to kill all my lustful thoughts.

Shedding my damp shirt I shifted her over, then slid into bed next to her. I could feel cold seeping though her pajamas and winding tentacles around me, but I cradled her body against my own as best I could, trying to enclose her within my warmth. When I found myself growing cold, and her not seeming to warm, I reached for a thick blanket that had been placed on the floor next to the bed. Draping it over my own shoulders I pulled the excess in front of me and tucked it and my arms back around the cold young woman, surrounding her with a cocoon of blanket and male. 

When she finally warmed up enough to start shivering I stopped worrying about her life, and slipped into a light doze, still holding her firmly against my heart.

A burrowing motion partially woke me in the middle of the night. Without opening my eyes I drew my arms tighter, trying to quell the disruptive movement. In doing so my mind registered only two things: warm and woman. Opening my eyes I saw a slender neck resting below me, pillowed upon my arm. Without thought I nosed the hair flowing along it aside and kissed the pale column of flesh. I continued to plant tiny butterfly kisses along her neck until I reached her ear, which I could not resist nibbling gently. The woman in my arms arched back towards me instinctively, her face blindly turning towards mine.

As my hands crept from her waist up the sides of her torso she grew more restless. Her movements aroused me, but none so much as when she rolled over, bringing every inch of her lean, soft body against my own. The jolt of desire woke me completely, and I remembered where I was. I supposed a gentlemen would have left her alone, especially now that my intention of warming her had been met, but one glance down at her face, still relaxed in slumber, pillowed against my bare chest and I was lost. Reluctantly removing one hand from her back I gently tipped her chin up and claimed her lips.

With a soft sigh her lips opened beneath mine and I began to carefully explore her mouth, memorizing and branding at the same time. Her uninhibited response suggested that she was in the same state of partial wakefulness that I had been. When her hands slowly and tantalizingly began to explore my torso I was struck by the thought that she might think she was dreaming. Trailing light kisses along her jaw I slipped my hands under her pajama top and began caressing her back with long fluid motions, careful not to wake her.

My slow movement from the center of her back outward relaxed her. By the time I was cupping her sides, gently caressing up and down she had melted into me. Moving my hands forward a bit, so that my thumbs barely grazed the swells of her breasts, I searched for a scrap of control. I had almost found one when Elizabeth let out a soft groan and pressed her breasts into my chest. Without thought my hands shifted to cover both of them, stroking and soothing the sensitive flesh. Under my ministrations I felt her nipples grow erect, at the same time she began a slow pulse of her hips against mine.

The mute proclamation of her desire inflamed my blood. I wanted nothing more than to rip off our clothing and claim her as my own. Looking down at her face, still lost in slumber, I reminded myself of all the things I hadn't said to her, and of my need for her that went far beyond the simple physical. Easing my body away from hers failed, she instinctively followed, her body knowing only its craving. I heard a soft keening come from the back of her throat, and I threw my good intentions to the wind. The last thing I wanted was to take advantage of her unconscious state, but I could not leave her in an agony of desire. She might be upset with my presence.

Clinging to these slimly rational reason I removed one hand from underneath her top, shifted my hips slightly away from hers and slipped my hand past the waistband of both her pajama bottoms and her panties. As my hand slipped lower she lifted her face and kissed me. My response to her mouth grew more heated as my hand continued its descent, and when it finally arrived at the junction of her thighs I gasped along with her. I began to carefully explore her folds, rubbing her mat of curls gently with my palm as my fingers wove their way to the core of her being. When I found the tiny erect nub of flesh throbbing above her center I couldn't help but circle it, teasing her by not applying direct pressure.

Her hips began to twitch again, but I maintained as little contact as I could, not wanting to lose my control. When her unconscious movements failed to bring her satisfaction she rolled onto her back and spread her legs. I rolled with her, throwing one leg over one of hers, pressing my pelvis against her hip and leaving one shoulder on the bed as I rose up on my elbow and angled my torso towards her. Another surge of passion hit me when I felt her arch her back and tilt her hips, bringing my fingers close to her opening. The moisture I felt there was copious, and I carefully slipped my hand down, pressing the heel against her clitoris and running my index finger carefully along the perimeter of her bedewed portal.

Looking at her face, the delicate feature flushed in the moonlight, I felt that I had come to my limit. Leaning over I kissed her again, at the same time slipping the long finger I'd inherited from my father shallowly within her. As my tongue thrust into her my finger did the same, going deeper each time, then being joined by another as my pelvis ground against her hip in a parody of lovemaking that I was helpless to control. Every fiber of my being wanted her. As she began to desperately quiver against me I pulled my head back, wanting to watch her face. At the moment when every muscle in her body tensed in preparation for climax her head tipped back and her eyes opened blindly. Staring unfocused at the ceiling, I was close enough to understand her breathless cry.

"S'toshi." The broken sound of my name issuing forth from her lips as she was swept by pleasure pole axed me. Crushing her now limp body against my own I wanted to weep for joy. She had been thinking of me, not some faceless man, and not Joel. Gently turning her back onto her side I cradled her against my body again, the gentle curves of her rear end cupping my still painful arousal in a maddening manner. Taking a deep breath I tried to control myself, but her unfettered reactions to me, as well as the knowledge that she desired me at some level filled me with a primitive lust I had no hope of controlling. What began as a gentle rocking against her swiftly turned more urgent, as the friction against my turgid member brought me closer and closer to release. I stiffened, wanting to cry out her name, but fearful of waking her still, as I felt myself, for the first time since puberty, spend my arousal within my clothing. With waves of bliss still washing over me I blindly reached for Elizabeth's hand, threading my fingers through hers as I quit my vigil and sank exhausted into slumber.


	11. Honesty

All night long I was tormented by treacherous dreams, the subject being all too familiar to me. This time though, I could not extricate myself from the web of passion that my mind had so ruthlessly ensnared itself within. At the point where I normally wake up, aching with unfulfilled desire and longing to be held by Satoshi, my rebellious body continued, and I could have sworn that it was no longer a dream. Drifting into wakefulness I remembered flashes of heated kisses, of drugging caresses along my back, the warmth of an imagined chest taut with muscle under my thirsty hands. As I remembered slender fingers moving against me, poised to plunge deeply and quench the burning desire that had engulfed me the familiarly shrill bleeping of my alarm clock roused me. Welcoming the return of my safe routine and the relegation of erotic fantasies to the dark of night, I reached to turn it off, and couldn't move my arm. It was stuck under something. Opening my eyes I could not even blink. My arm was caught between both of Satoshi's. I was, in fact, almost completely surrounded by him. I felt his chest slowly rise and fall against my back, so I assumed he was asleep. 

Seeing him there, bare-chested in my bed, the scattered fragments of the preceding night horrified me. Pushing violently away from him I rolled out of bed, remaining in a defensive crouch on the floor for a moment. When I heard movement on the bed I'd just vacated I stood erect and turned, flipping off my alarm with a well practiced movement.

"How dare you." My words could have cut glass. "What gives you the right to molest me in my own bed?" He tried to speak, but I stubbornly refused to pause. "I know you like vulnerable women, ones that you can help. I will not be your plaything, a little fling you can have to congratulate yourself on mending your best friend's relationship, then return scot-free to your regular feature in Tokyo." I tried to heap all the self-loathing I was experiencing for my own weakness upon him. I wasn't angry that he'd touched me, only that I'd been mostly asleep. I'd be damned before I admitted it, however.

"I want you to leave. Now." I turned away from him, expecting my command to be followed.

"Elizabeth, I can't leave. Not before we talk."

My voice was hard, a sharp contrast to his own pleading tone. "What do we have to discuss?"

"Yesterday, and last night."

His simple phrase conjured up the entire day for me again. I remembered trying to study, and failing, then leaving for a quick run to figure things out. When I started out I had had absolutely no idea that I'd be gone for more than an hour, let alone past dusk. I strove to reach the point where all that existed in the world for me was the simultaneous pounding of my heart and my legs on the pavement, as my worries melted away, leaving only a crystalline pattern of beats against a gray sky. 

Normally I would run until life was simple again, and then introduce my nagging problem slowly, working it out like a mathematical proof until it also was a part of the linear order of my world. It hadn't worked like that yesterday. Satoshi was a more complex problem than I had been faced with in a long time. On the one hand I was inexorably drawn to him, like a fundamental attraction of elements. He was everything that I had guarded against for so long: attractive, considerate, clever. I feared what I would become if I allowed myself to admit that I loved him. 

On the other hand, Meiko had warned me about him, and there was no way I could pretend to myself that I was anything he was looking for. I wasn't beautiful, nor was I creative, nor selflessly kind, as Meiko was. I can only be a convenient girl for him to rescue before returning to his regularly scheduled life in Tokyo.  

It took time to work all this out and to convince myself of it. Without noticing I had slowed to a walk at times, to catch my breath and stretch my legs, then sped up again to a run, again, unconsciously. I had noticed the rain, at least at first, but it hadn't mattered. It had felt like the sky itself was helping my mourn my decision, the decision that I had to make, regardless of what my fickle heart wanted.

It took the chimes of the clock tower to jolt me out of my trance. Calling the radio station at nine o'clock each night gave me human companionship and an anchor to the world outside of my textbooks. Joel hadn't minded the company, I gathered he didn't have an enormous listener base, and so he started announcing me as a "regularly scheduled impromptu guest" after the first 3 days. 

Oddly enough, I was right underneath his building when I noticed the time, and used a convenient payphone to call upstairs. I could have walked up to the studio, but how would he have known that I, Elizabeth, was Tsutami. Our call was relatively normal, considering everything, until he realized I wasn't at home. I would have liked to continue our argument about the intrinsic nature of romance, but I hadn't the strength. He'd gotten so worried the last time I had gone out when I was sick, and I hadn't recovered yet. He knew how ill I was, probably more that anyone, even myself. 

I couldn't help a small jest though; he was shirtless, and the blinds were open. It was a nice view. I think he saw me run off, but by that point I didn't care. Beethoven was pouring into my head from my radio and I needed to get home. I was feeling ill now, the fever that had come while I was running was gone; leaving in its place a chill that went to my bones. 

I don't know how I made it home. Everything seemed to conspire against me, but somehow I remember walking in the door and collapsing to my knees just inside. Before I knew it Satoshi was before me. He asked me questions, I must not have answered them correctly before I coughed, because his eyes took on a frantic look and he spoke urgently to me, in a language I can only assume was Japanese. The last thing I remembered was falling forward as the world slid to black, then the blackness heated, becoming a cauldron of alchemical desire that brought a rush of blood to my cheeks.

            Stalking over to my desk I pulled out my chair and sat stiffly, betraying no emotion. I could not abide half measures, I had to make it clear to him that my life held no room for dalliance, of the physical or emotional variety.

            "Why are you still here? Haven't you toyed with me enough? I never asked you to protect me, to expend your sympathy on me. I thought I'd made it perfectly clear that my work is my paramount concern, and then I wake up one morning with the memories of you violating me."

            "Are you lying to me, or to yourself." His baritone echoed after my own tirade. "You claim that you never asked for my protection, and I'll admit that you never did, in words or under your own name. As Tsutami you had no problem admitting that you needed me, that you were vulnerable. Your eyes cry out for someone to help you, to save you from yourself. You're conveniently forgetting that I was in bed with you in the first place because I was afraid that by running in the rain you'd signed your own death warrant." He rose from the bed and began to pace about the room, still shirtless.

            "That does not give you the right to take liberties with my person." As I cringed inwardly at the primness in my tone Satoshi stopped pacing, a dark look gathering on his face.

            "Stop it!" His shout frightened me. "Perhaps I can be painted as the guilty party for the actions we participated in last night, because I was awake at some point and was exquisitely aware of exactly how much I wanted you, but there was no coercion. Brian was right, you are attracted to me, and I will not be blamed for suffering myself to give you what you wanted so badly. Do you know what it did to me to hear you all out my name?" The blush I thought had left returned with a vengeance.

            "I did no such thing."

            "Yes, you did, at the end. All I could do was think about how much I wanted you to know who was with you, and then you cried out my name, or tried to."

            "Please, no more." My anger had left me, and I sounded weary even to myself. "If you have to hear it: yes, I am attracted to you, very much so, in fact. I am a realist, however. I have none of the qualities you normally seek in a woman; we live on opposite sides of the globe; and any protective or arduous impulses you feel for me now will soon be lost when you return home." Standing, I walked to the window and opened it wide, letting the breeze blow my hair back. Speaking more to the wind than for the benefit of the man behind me, I let all my resignation color my voice.

            "I have made my decision. If I am to be tempted by romance, why make it so cruel? Wasn't it enough to draw my body into the bargain? Could you not have left my heart alone?"

            "What do you mean?" Satoshi asked me cautiously.

            "My own personal bargain with the devil." I laughed without humor. "I fear you've unwittingly played a role in one of m few whimsical moments. You see, I traded my heart and soul to science long ago, and recently I think the devil's been trying to make me regret the decision. Go, please, I beg you now. Return to Japan, to the woman you thought I was when you spoke so ardently last night. Find the woman that you love, I'm sure she is in need of you."

            The behind me I could hear nothing, not even Satoshi's breathing. I tried to imagine his face. Was it disgusted, amazed, pitying? I had no idea. As I felt tears collecting in my eyes I only wanted him to leave, so that I would be free to weep for my loss, for the pain of an unrequited love, and to continue with my life.

            "Baka." The soft phrase reached my ears just before he did. Coming up behind me he wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin atop my head. "I don't know where you got this idea that I was in love with someone else, but it's completely wrong. Everyone else knows exactly how I feel about you, but I couldn't bring myself to tell you until I had gotten some sign that my attentions were wanted. 

            I tried to turn around to face him but he held me fast. "Hush, you've spoken your piece, now let me say mine."

             "Yesterday, when you came home I felt like I'd been given a reprieve from hell. I know you couldn't understand what I said then, so let me repeat it. I'm falling in love with you. I'm not mistaking pity for love, so don't try to accuse me of that. I also mentioned your poor choice in clothes, but that's a topic for later. From the first day I met you I've wanted you. Yes, I burned with lust for you. It nearly drove me mad, but more than that, I wanted to understand you, to support you, to be the one that you'd turn to in moments of weakness, even as the rest of the world admired you for your strength. You are brilliant and beautiful, a scientist with an artist's soul, and you've had my heart firmly in your grasp ever since you trusted me enough to fall asleep before me. I've been in agony thinking first that you had someone already, and then that you felt nothing for me. I was frantic yesterday because I thought you'd mistaken my intentions. It's been a long time since anyone's teased me, and I didn't know how to interpret you." Turning me away from the window to face him he gazed into my eyes.

            "It would have broken my heart if you had only been jesting, and I would have gone mad if you weren't attracted to me, or if you'd already belonged to another."

            Speechless, all I could do was stare at him, as he gathered me so close that I could feel his heart beating and his very breath. Suddenly it didn't matter that I eschewed emotional attachments, or that we lived on other sides of the world. All that mattered were his arms around me and his lips upon mine. The kiss was even better than the ones I had thought were part of my dreams. Crushing me to his still bare chest he bent my head back and masterfully claimed my lips with his own. He was my entire world in that moment; the very air I breathed was flavored with him. He snaked an arm about my shoulder, then bent slightly and slipped the other behind my knees, swinging me into his arms without ever breaking lip contact.

            I barely had time to loop my arms around his neck before he took the few steps over to my bed and carefully lowered me once more to the tousled sheets. When he broke off our kiss we both gasped wildly for air. Reaching up, I kissed his neck softly, teasing the skin just a bit with my tongue and teeth.

            "Elizabeth." He groaned my name and grabbed my hands, dragging them over my head and pinioning them with both of his, while simultaneously straddling my hips with his lean thighs. "Please stop. I am only a man, and you should know how deeply I'm attracted to you. I don't want you to have any doubts that my need is deeper than the physical. I love you." He kissed my cheek tenderly and stood up, drawing away but holding my gaze. "I want more than a rushed fumble before I leave the country. I want forever."


	12. Departure

I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything. Guilt overrode most other emotions as I traced the lines of Elizabeth's face with my eyes. How could I have driven her to do that? Why hadn't I been more clear? 

            Why were we still standing here? Pushing aside all my insecurities I pulled her closer and kissed her, deeply, passionately. It didn't really matter, all the rest, we could work that all out later. Chances to hold her in my arms would be few and fleeting, and I couldn't let this one pass. Catching a glimpse of the bed I swung her up in my arms and headed in that direction

            She wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned towards me. When I laid her down memories of the previous night assaulted me and I pulled away, watching her gasp for breath. When she reached for me I wanted to pin her to the bed and make love to her until I couldn't move, but I was scheduled to leave that self-same day. Groaning her name I begged her to stop, pulling her hands away from me. It wasn't until I stood up, safely distanced from her curves that I could admit the truth.

            "I want more than a rushed fumble before I leave the country." My eyes burned into hers, making a vow that went deeper than words alone. "I want forever."

A tap at the door broke our reverie. "Satoshi? Are you in there? Meiko and Miki are already here, your flight's leaving soon." Yuu's voice was muffled by the door, but still recognizable.

"Yes, I'm here Yuu. Give me a moment." Without waiting for Yuu to come in I kissed Elizabeth once more, softly and sweetly.

While I was still bent over the bed Yuu opened the door. "Satoshi, my father packed your bags last night, and you really do need to go. Elizabeth, would you like to see them off with me?"

Elizabeth blushed a bit when she pushed me off of her and shakily gained her feet, but replied politely, "Yes, I'd like to come."

On the way downstairs  I couldn't resist bringing up one last issue that had been bothering me.

"What do you mean by no one has ever affected you deeply?" She didn't meet my eyes but paused in her long strides to gaze out the window across the grounds.

"I've never trusted myself enough to let go. I guess I've just always questioned what I felt." Her quiet voice touched a part of my heart that began to ache. Moving behind her, I wanted to stroke her hair comfortingly, but was stopped by her next words. "Maybe I was just waiting for you!" She sounded evasive, but I didn't press the matter.

"Of course you were." I felt a grin cover my face. It didn't matter if she was using humor to avoid the situation. She'd caught exactly how I felt. God in heaven, I loved this woman already. 

We walked downstairs and were whisked quickly toward the waiting vehicles. When Meiko saw Elizabeth and I her face brightened, then Miki spoke up.

"Good, you two are together, but that means we haven't enough room in the cars."

"It's all right." Elizabeth said. I gaped at her. "If you'll give me a moment I'll follow everyone in my car. I know how to get to the airport."

"I'm riding with her." No one seemed surprised at my reply.

Elizabeth's car was a tidy dark green sedan, which she drove well, if without panache. As we pulled out after Brian's Land Rover I commented on it.

"It's a little strange for you to have a car, is it not?"

"Not really, I bought it back in Texas, when I was working. St. Andrew's offered me room, board, tuition, and a living stipend if I'd finish my last year of research here, and teach a few lower-level chemistry courses as well. Normally I'd have kept working, but I haven't had a chance to look, and I'm really too busy for it. There'll be plenty of time once I graduate."

I agreed with her, and spent the remainder of the drive watching her, trying to etch the lines of her profile into my memory for however long it would be until I saw her again. It was a short drive, and uneventful. Before I knew it we were standing at the gate, and it was time to say our farewells.

"I'll…"

"…write me." She answered quickly.

"What?"

"Write me, you know, letters. I enjoy getting them, and they're more tangible than phone calls. It may help me learn Japanese as well."

"All right, if you'd like." She was so cute, standing there, asking if I would write her, I couldn't help it. I'd still call to make sure everything was going well though. I didn't want to make any mistakes.

"Elizabeth?" Miki began hesitantly, "If you want to learn Japanese, do you want to write to me too?" Elizabeth looked puzzled. "Meiko and I had an exchange diary, I miss it. I'd like to help you learn, and become your friend. You could help my English."

Elizabeth's face brightened. 

"Miki, that's a good idea. We could write each other in whichever language we felt more comfortable with at the time, and little by little I'd learn your Japanese and you'd learn my English. I like that! You could also tell me how Satoshi was doing, and I could help you keep tabs on Yuu."

"It'd be almost like a bizarre, perpetual double date.." Yuu commented dryly, then grinned. As the girls hugged good-bye and exchanged the necessary addresses he looked meaningfully at me, we both understood that I'd watch out for Miki and he'd watch over Elizabeth.

Pulling Elizabeth away from Miki I held her close. "Remember me." I whispered against her hair. Quickly kissing her I let go of her and walked off.

"Satoshi!" I half turned as she called my name, "Don't worry about me, I could never forget you." She smiled, a bit bravely I thought, and I continued walking, away from New York, away from Elizabeth, back to Japan.


	13. Interlude

From Elizabeth's Diary:

_            There's a kind of justice in this entire situation. After all, who would have credited me with a whirlwind romance? I was the proper one, the down to earth one. I didn't believe in love. A part of me still doesn't. The feeling of a devil's bargain is still too recent. I know that I'm rationalizing things too far, that somehow I should trust these feelings, but I can't help but wonder, am I really feeling them? Am I just reacting to someone's attention towards me? Things are so simple when everything is in the pure language of chemicals. I can understand them. _

_            I look into his eyes and think that I might lose myself in the flood of emotion that I see. How can he feel this way about me? My own emotions are the last things I'll trust. I don't want him to try and depend on me, only to find that I can't reciprocate. Perhaps I am too hasty after all. I am still moved by beauty, by words, by music. I still possess a sense of wonder about the work I am doing. However, just like with those who tried to get close to me in the past, it feels sometimes like I am merely a spectator to the gentler side of the human psyche. _

_            I have felt certainly. Desire, anger, sadness, these are all easily recognizable, but they seem fleeting. Am I merely an adept at masking their effects? After I feel desire or love do I crush it beneath a flood of words? Am I so accustomed to being solitary that I go out of my way to ensure it? Perhaps the fault lies in my own biology. A dominant left-hemisphere narrator, a mild social phobia, mayhap a mechanism to prevent giving others the opportunity to do me harm._

_            I want to love him, want to be free and easy and loose like he is. I admire the way he can set him humor aside to have moments of genuine concern. Looking at him I am drawn into a maelstrom of internal conflict. Is love merely the release of endogenous chemicals? Is what I'm feeling love? Should I even risk questioning it, at the risk of losing it?            _

_I cannot abandon all my beliefs for a total return to innocence, I know too much about the mind and body for that. A suspension of disbelief is required, and a great deal of trust. I can put my trust in him, and by doing so I will become worthy of his trust._

_I am no longer alone._

Dear Satoshi,

            I can't believe it's already been a week since you left. Classes have started here, and everything's very hectic. I'm the official instructor for the honors basic chemistry course, which is fun, but a great deal of work. I have to concentrate and make sure my own studies and research don't fall behind. Don't worry though, I'll take care of myself. Doris watches me like a hawk, and sometimes Yuu and I eat lunch together. I'm starting to learn the Japanese alphabets, it's not so hard, but I keep confusing the characters with chemical symbols and then Yuu laughs at me. I need to work harder; once I learn the characters I can learn the language. It's funny, I miss you, even though you were only here for a few days it feels like there's something missing. Odd isn't it, you never really belonged here in the first place.

~Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

            I talked to Yuu today, he told me that if you had any trouble with my letters that he'd help you, so I decided to write in Japanese. This year is harder than last year. I guess it's because I started at the university. Even though it's the same school it feels different. I'm studying interior decorating. I like to make a house feel like a home. Yuu told me that you're studying chemistry. I hope you like it. You seem like you'd be good at it. Just don't overwork yourself. That's dangerous. I don't have any classes with Miwa-san, but I see him on campus. He spends a lot of time with his advisor. I wonder what they're talking about.

~Miki

Dear Elizabeth,

            I got your letter. What a silly thing to say, right? I'm glad you had this idea. I like the feeling of touching something you've touched, and that you'll eventually hold this sheet of paper that I'm writing upon. … You mentioned that you're teaching a class, how does that work? I thought you were Yuu's age. Can I be dating an older woman? … Anyway school is pretty basic over here; my father's working hard. Miki was very excited to write you a letter, she says next time it'll be in English.

Take care,

~Satoshi

Dear Miki,

            My calligraphy is really bad. Yuu laughed at me and said that you wouldn't be able to read what I wrote. Maybe I'll dictate it and make him write. I have good news! I saw my old roommate, Jennifer, again last night. This represents a tremendous step forward in my social life. She moved here before I did and I finally got around to visiting her while you were here. She kept me from working myself to the bone while we were at Baylor. She's going to school in the city, but I'm going out there this weekend. We're going to go shopping…I'm starting to get job offers for after I graduate, it's odd that it's so soon now. It felt like the day would never come. Yuu and I are going bowling tomorrow night, I wish you could come. I'm a horrible klutz.

~Elizabeth

Dear Satoshi,

            Gomen nasai. I'm so proud of that. Yuu taught me how to write it yesterday. I should have told you how old I was. I'm 22, and about to graduate with my Master's in Chemistry. I got my high school diploma several years early, and my professors in Texas thought I could finish out my research here at St. Andrew's. My advisor at Baylor, Dr. Komachowski is a good friend of Dr. Murphy, the head of the chem department here and when there was a serious shortage of instructors they both thought I should transfer here, for my benefit as well as the school's. I don't think I mentioned that to you in the car. I guess the plebian details of what I was doing didn't really matter when you were here, did they? In case you ask, I picked chemistry because I love it. I'm hoping to get a research job in the summer, once I have my degree…I found my old roommate again! Jennifer moved here, and I'm really glad. I thought we'd lost track of each other. She was the one back in Texas who kept my head on straight. We were quite a pair. She's writing now, and going to art school. I think we're getting together this weekend. She is just dying to meet you. You have the distinction of being the first male I've been romantically involved with since I was a freshman in college. … Tonight Yuu and I are going bowling with the gang. Wish me luck. I'm a terrible klutz.

~Elizabeth

Postcard: to Satoshi

Greetings from Your New York Hospital

Bowling didn't go well, I dropped the ball on my foot. Ooops, I'm okay, really. ~ Elizabeth

Postcard: to Miki

Picture of a trio of monkeys

Tell Satoshi I'm fine. It's just a fractured metatarsal. (Tie him up if you need to).  ~ Elizabeth

 Message on Elizabeth's answering machine

"Elizabeth, it's Satoshi. Please, answer. Miki told me you broke something. I'm worried sick. Yuu told me you weren't looking well. Please, call me soon.


	14. Telephone Call

"Hello, is Miwa Satoshi there?" Elizabeth asked hesitantly in English. When she got a confused garble of Japanese she shrugged and handed the phone to Yuu. After he identified himself and asked for Satoshi he raised his eyebrows at Elizabeth.

            "No, you speak to him for a few moments." She replied to his tacit question, "There'll be plenty of time for he and I to talk, and you need to warn him about my almost wholly absent Japanese skills." 

            Grinning, Yuu launched into a spate of rapid-fire banter with his old friend; in which Elizabeth caught her name, followed by Yuu's teasing. Evidently he was tormenting Satoshi playfully. When he finally handed the phone to her she was shocked.

            "Hello?"

            "Thank God. I was beginning to think you'd been a figment of my imagination." Satoshi's warm baritone comforted her. Shooing Yuu away she sat down on the floor and closed her eyes."

            "No, I'm still here, for now. It just feels like I'm in a hundred places at once."

            "Elizabeth, what do you mean?" his voice took on a slight edge.

            "Nothing, nothing," she hastily reassured him, "I've just been busy with my classes and my own work, and this damn fracture isn't helping any. I'm stuck on crutches, and it seems like I always need to be across the campus from where I am."

            "Do you need to cut back on things a bit?"        

            "I CAN'T!" She exploded.

            "Your health is more important that anything else. If you work yourself too hard then you'll collapse!"

            "Now is too critical. My research is reaching an essential stage, and I agreed to be here for these students. I can't let them down, and my own research is important." Her voice softened as she continued, "Satoshi, please, I understand that you're worried about me, but please trust me, I'll be fine. I know how far I can push myself."

            The silence hummed between them for a few taut moments. "Please." Satoshi begged, "Please be careful. I worry about you. You're important to me, not your work." Elizabeth was dumbstruck as he gently replaced the phone in the cradle. 'But I am my work!' she wanted to cry. As she hung up her own line and set off to her office hours a fervent prayer was offered up, half a world away, as a young man in a dark room bowed his head and tried to slow the racing of his heart.

            "Please, take care of yourself." 


	15. Brief Distraction

Greeting card to Satoshi, in English:

Outside, picture of tiny kitten, clinging precariously to a rope.

Inside, "It's hard hanging in here without you."

Satoshi, I'm sorry I worried you, I am taking care of myself, I swear. I even requisitioned a stool for my lab. Don't worry, please. ~Elizabeth

Enclosed: picture of a smiling young woman in a foot cast, sitting on a stool in a lab, with a pair of crutches propped up next to her.

Dear Miki,        

            Wow, I've finally learned all the kana! Yuu says I look like a little kid, bent over my desk, writing the alphabet over and over. I like it though. I am a little better at speaking than at writing though, thank goodness! Yuu is such a patient teacher, thank you for lending him to me. Jennifer is helping me with the speaking part. She learned a little Japanese from watching anime, then studied it in college. She amazes me sometimes. I really think you'd like her. She's happy most of the time and likes to have fun. When we met last week she thought it was really funny that I'd broken a toe with a bowling ball, but she's not nearly so much of a klutz as I am. As soon as my stupid toe gets better we're going upstate to ride horses. I really can't wait. It'll be a nice break from the kids and from the lab. I really hope I can take the time off. How's university life treating you?

~Elizabeth 


	16. Truth

The tiny pub in the midst of a sprawl of apartment complexes was not terribly popular with the neighbors. On weeknights it was generally deserted, save for one mid-September evening when a table for four was occupied by two young women and a large bouquet.

            "Elizabeth, they're beautiful." The shorter woman exclaimed, her long light brown hair falling over her shoulders as she leaned forward to stroke a velvety iris.

            "I know, but I'm worried that he's feeling guilty about that." Picking up her drink she waved dismissively at the cast that still enclosed her left foot. "He doesn't understand that I'm just fine, except for the inconvenience."

            "Okay, so you hurt yourself, he gets worried upset, then apologizes with beautiful flowers and a note that brings tears to my eyes on the fourth reading and you're worried? Hello? I'd say he feels that he's failed in his self-appointed duty to keep you safe, and that if he were feeling guilty he'd hop on a plane." She tilted her head and looked at the bouquet, nestled in its own chair. "Maybe he's trying to tell you that he's not horny enough to need the excuse yet."

            "Jennifer!" Elizabeth brandished a single crutch in a mock threatening manner. "Don't make me use this." Dissolving into girlish laughter, the pair made themselves comfortable.

            *          *          *

Dear Satoshi,

            I want to take a yardstick to my students. Well, not really, but they're getting a little bit irritating. I have three classes now, one of the teachers is having a baby and got confined to bed-rest until after Christmas. None of her pupils listen to me, and I think the boys just come to my office hours to hit on me. I know they probably don't really care about chemistry, but can't they at least pretend? Oi! It looks like I'm not going to get to take a weekend off to go out riding with Jennifer. That's too bad, I was looking forward to it. My research has hit a slow point and it's driving me up the wall. I wish I could go out and run, but the doctor at the clinic says I need to wait for at least another week. I feel like a caged animal. 

~Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

            Aie! Why are they giving you more work? Can't they see that you're ill? I wish I could help you. I trust you though. If you need help, I know you'll ask the right people. Speaking of winter breaks, do you have any plans? I know Yuu was going to come home to Japan and spend time with Miki and all of us. Maybe you could come with him? I know we're going to go to Hiroshima to visit Meiko, and maybe go skiing. I'd dearly love to see you again, please think about it. ~Satoshi 

Liz-chan!

            Hello! Do you know Brian Grant? I'm his brother, Michael! Miki is busy studying, but she asked me to write you so you wouldn't think she'd forgotten you. I'm really excited, Toryo had its fall festival last week and I got to go. It was so neat to see everyone all dressed up and performing. Miwa-san was there, he served desserts in one of the booths, but I forgot which. I took a picture of him all dressed up, and I'll send you a copy once I get them developed. Is Brian doing okay? Are he and Jinny happy? I think you should come over here for winter break, Miwa-san doesn't seem as happy without you around. Plus, you could bring Yuu, and that would make Miki happier. I like to see her happy. Gotta go study, bye! ~Michael

Michael,

            Hi, yes, I met Brian Grant, he and Doris are very happy, Jinny's dating Yuu's roommate, Bill. He's actually in one of the classes I'm teaching this semester. I told him it was his own fault for not studying the first time he took chemistry. I like teaching him, and everyone. I got the picture of Miwa-san, he looked wonderful, thank you. I think Yuu was already planning on coming home, but I've got other plans, I think I might have a job interview this winter break. I'd love to come to Japan, honto nee, but this is a bad time. Keep studying hard, keep an eye on Miki, Yuu really goes nuts whenever he thinks something's wrong. Thank you for writing.

~Elizabeth

Miki,

            Gomen, this is really short, I haven't studied any Japanese since I wrote you last. Everything is really getting busy, especially now that October's almost over. I may not be able to write much, or at all for a little while. I'm really sorry, but there's so much going on. I'll be better soon, I promise. Take care of yourself! ~Elizabeth

Miwa-san,

            Gomen, I have plans over winter break already, I can't go fritter away time with Yuu and his family. Thank you for asking me. ~Elizabeth

Elizabeth,

            What's wrong? You of all people should never call me "Miwa-san!" Please, call me, or I'll call you. Something's wrong, I can feel it. ~Satoshi

            *          *          *

             "Brrrring!" the shrill noise of the telephone echoed through the empty room, just has it had done that morning, and the night before. When the answering machine had recited its trite and cheery message a deep male sigh filled the room.

            "Elizabeth, where are you?"  Sadly Satoshi hung up his phone and slumped back against his bed. Two weeks had passed since she sent him a letter referring to him as "Miwa-san" and not "Satoshi." He didn't know why she had suddenly changed, but now, as she was impossible to get into contact with, it was eating him up inside.

            Decisively he picked up the phone again and dialed Yuu's number. He hadn't wanted to involve Yuu in this, but there didn't seem to be any other options. Luckily someone was in the room, because it was picked up almost immediately.

            "Hello?"

            "Hello, is Matsuura Yuu there?"

            "Yes he is, may I ask who is calling?"

            "It's Miwa Satoshi."

            "Thank god you've called!" Yuu's roommate, Bill, burst out, "We've all been very worried about Elizabeth."

            "What?!"

            "Wait, here's Yuu." Satoshi could here Bill telling Yuu who was on the phone.

            "Satoshi? Is it you?" Yuu asked anxiously.

            "Yes Yuu, I'm still me." Satoshi teased a bit before saying in deadly earnest, "What's happening with Elizabeth?"

            "She's really withdrawn the past few weeks. We thought earlier that she was trying to take it easy on her foot, until it healed, but we were wrong. Ever since she got her little brace off she's been either in her office, or in her lab. Doris says she's only sleeping a few hours before getting up very early to run. I haven't seen her since last week, and she didn't even notice me. She was talking to one of her students. Bill's told me that in his class, one of the ones she assumed after school started, she's just been telling students to come by her lab whenever they have questions. He's seen her lights on all night on more than a few occasions, and someone mentioned that they'd gotten help around three in the morning."

             "Heaven help her. Why is she doing this to herself?" Satoshi's shattered voice made Yuu's chest ache. He remember how Miki had run herself down trying to earn money for their trip, and how much it had hurt him when she collapsed. With this in mind he was willing to do almost anything to help Satoshi.

            "Satoshi, I wish I could answer that for you."

            "Thank you Yuu, but she's the only one who can, and I can't get in contact with her for any time at all. Maybe she thinks I've stopped caring about her."   

            "Wait, I think I have an idea." Yuu sounded almost pleased with himself.

            "Please, tell me."

            "She teaches a class tomorrow morning. I'll sit in on it and ask her to call you after class. If nothing else maybe she'll tell me why she's been too busy to contact anyone, especially you."

            "Do you think it will work?" Satoshi asked.

            "All I can do is try, right?"

            "Yes, good luck, should I call you tomorrow then?"

            "Yes, her class is over at nine here."

            "All right. Thank you Yuu."

            "Any time Satoshi."

            After Yuu hung up the phone he dialed Miki's number. It rang for quite a while before the machine picked up.

            "Miki, it's me, I just called to say that I missed you and that you're very special to me. Take care of yourself. I love you."


	17. Investigation

The next morning Yuu awoke especially early in order to attend Elizabeth's early morning honors chemistry class. Muttering good-naturedly under his breath he walked into the empty classroom and selected a desk in the far corner, partially obscured by a large and very leafy plant. It wasn't a perfect concealment, but he hoped it would at least direct her attention away from him enough so that he could remain as her observer. Failing that, if she tried to throw him out he'd insist she do it personally. If nothing else it would give him a few words with her. He wondered if she knew how much she was worrying everyone.

            As the minutes slowly passed students began straggling in and seating themselves, with varying degrees of decorum. As might be expected, Yuu noticed the class growing louder and a bit more gregarious as more and more students arrived. With a wry grin he remembered his own early high school years, when he and his friends would do much the same, enjoying the last few moments before a teacher took control of the classroom.

            He was shocked when, seemingly without cause, the hubbub cut off sharply, as if severed by a knife. Glancing around he saw the class was, to a person, facing forward and giving rapt attention to the front of the room. Following their example he too looked forward and found that he had missed Elizabeth's entrance. 

            Standing at the front of the room, wearing a gray pant-suit, she looked hardly older than her students, until you looked into her eyes. She looked weary, and more than a bit distracted. Leaning forward in his chair, Yuu watched her as she took roll, then began to lecture in a voice that reached the back of the room, but went no further. 

            As the lecture progressed Yuu began to take note of the students' behaviors as well as Elizabeth's. It was eerily subdued, no whispers, no note-passing, and no smiling. In fact, more than one pupil had a look of concern on his face. Pushing the thought to the back of his mind, he continued his observation of their instructor, filing away details to impart to Satoshi later. 

            At long last the lecture was over. Stepping away from the board Elizabeth smiled at the class.

            "Thank you for your kind attention, as always. I am sorry to say this, but I will have to cancel my office hours for the remainder of the week. If you have any questions please just slide them under the door of my office or my lab and I will try to address them during the next class. You are dismissed." Gathering up her papers as she dismissed she glanced around the room, almost regretfully it seemed to Yuu, then walked out the door. Once she was gone the class erupted into a flurry of conversation and packing. 

            "Did you see her today?" the young man sitting in front of Yuu's plant asked a friend. "She's even paler."

            "Do you think she hasn't been sleeping again?"

            "I don't know, but Emily goes running with Ms. Fairfax and that group sometimes, and she said that Ms. Fairfax doesn't go into the dormitory building after the runs, but back into the lab." Yuu couldn't resist. Falling into step behind them as they walked out, he tapped the first speaker on the shoulder.

            "Excuse me?"

            "Yes?" the boy replied, a bit warily.

            "I couldn't help overhearing your conversation just now. I'm Yuu Matsuura, and a friend of mine asked me to keep an eye out on Elizabeth, your Ms. Fairfax. Have you noticed anything wrong recently?" His words opened a floodgate from the pair of them.

            "She doesn't sleep much, and I don't think she eats enough."

            "She's always working in the lab, and I think even when she's not she's thinking about it."

            "Yeah, I went to her office hours last week and she seemed really distracted, like she has been in class."

            "She seemed happy at the beginning of the term, but she's beginning to look driven, or haunted or something." 

            As the threesome walked out of the classroom and down the hall a young woman caught sight of them and launched herself at one of the boys.

            "Jimmy! I thought you were never going to get out of there. I saw Ms. Fairfax pass by a few minutes ago and I was wondering what was keeping you.

            Jimmy hugged her back, and then performed introductions.

            "Emily, this is Yuu, he's a college student here, I think?" Yuu nodded his assent and Jimmy continued, "He's been trying to keep an eye on Ms. Fairfax, and he's worried about her too."

            "Oh good," Emily turned toward Yuu, a look of gravity on her face, "She hasn't been herself lately. I go running with her, and a group of girls, some nights, and she's been very withdrawn. The lights are on in her lab nearly all the time, and um."

            "What?" Yuu queried her.

            "She asked us to keep it quiet, but she fainted last week, when we came back from our run and were cooling down. She wasn't out for long, but it frightened us."

            "Thank you." Yuu remarked gravely, "Satoshi will appreciate knowing this, though he will not be gladdened by the information." Nodding his head to each of the youths he walked off, trying to decide what would be the best way to tell Satoshi.

            By the time he had returned to his room he had made up his mind. There would be no kindness in keeping this from his friend, and the best course of action would be merely to tell Satoshi straight out, then help him decide what course of action to take. With a heavy heart he picked up his phone and dialed Satoshi's number. Satoshi had been waiting for the call, apparently, because he picked up the phone immediately, despite it being very nearly the middle of the night.

            After the briefest of greeting Yuu told Satoshi about the morning's class. When he was finished there was silence on the line for a long moment. 

            "I have no choice, I have to go there." Satoshi said quietly. "I have to know why she's doing this. I'll leave tomorrow."

            "Bill and Jinny are leaving this evening to take a long weekend trip to whale watch in Maine, you can stay with me if you like." Yuu told him.

            "Thank you. I'll take a taxi from the airport to your dorm as soon as I get in." Satoshi was already distracted, caught in the whirls of his own concern and compassion. Sensing his friend's distance Yuu sympathized.

            "It will turn out." Yuu stated softly, "She loves you, you love her. I believe in the two of you." The pair bid farewell and turned to their separate plans: one to study; the other to make arrangements to fly across the world.


End file.
